Medical Monday

I have not long returned from the breast clinic.  I am so glad I was able to keep my appointment this time.  I did the journey very well indeed with no panics.  Slightly different when I got there as there was a forty minute wait and I could feel the tension rising and rising.  After all this was my first visit back since my treatment and I did not know what to expect.  I felt the tears spring to my eyes.

Becky went and asked how much longer it would be and a nurse immediately came out and took me into the room where I would be examined.  She says I should have been seen sooner because my anxiety problems are clearly on my records.  She made us all a nice cup of tea.

Then Casper came into the room and joked with me and put me at ease.  I showed him all the photos we had taken of my breast and he agreed I had reacted very strongly to radiotherapy, one of those women whose skin is ultra-sensitive.  He then examined me and saw the state my breast had been left in, still red, skin like an elephant all thickened around the nipple and the nipple sunken in.  I hope you do not mind me going into these details.

He told me it might well stay like that for the rest of my life although as time passes there might be some improvement. No amount of cream will help.  He did assure me that it was in no way dangerous and that I had been worrying about it unecessarily.  He said that as my radiotherapy only finished in June I was doing remarkably well.

He gave me a thorough examination and said he could find nothing wrong, no abnormalities.  Unfortunately it was far too early to do a mammogram as the breast is still very tender.   So, no all clear today.  I have to wait another six months for the mammogram.  So I will be having the mammogram roughly around the time I see my oncologist again.

As for medication they still want me to stay on the Tamoxifen as they feel that drug is the lesser of two evils but that I can take a week break from it now and again without there being any problems.  So I shall be doing that for Christmas.  When we discussed what had happened during the year starting with a shock way back last Christmas, my cancer and subsequent treatment, all the problems with Daniel, he feels that the increase in  my anxiety and depression levels have more likely been caused by all that, plus all the worry I have had over my breast and what I went through with that for weeks.  

He said that now I have been re-assured maybe I will find my whole general wellbeing improving.  He is a lovely man and so easy to talk to and listened to all I had to say.

I do feel exhausted now but that is mental and emotional fatigue from going there and not knowing what to expect.  I am disappointed that they did not do a scan to assure me I was still all clear but I guess he knows best and I must trust him.

Daniel will be arriving in a little while as we are looking after him this afternoon whilst Nathan goes swimming.

Becky had a letter from the County Council last week.  Nathan starts school next September.  I can hardly believe it and neither can she.  He will only be four years and around three months old.  Too young in my opinion.  I wish our children started school later as they do in other countries.  Childhood goes so very fast and at just four he will still be a baby. So he will leave pre-school and get taken into the education system proper.  We shall see a lot less of him sadly.

Well, I need to eat now before Daniel arrives.  I know you will be glad I made it to my appointment and will continue to pray that I remain cancer free.  I just wish it was not another six months before I can get the news I long to hear - all clear!  I hope to get back to commenting on all your journals this week.

God bless and have a good week

Love,