FUNNIES

Something different from me today.  These appeared in the Daily Mail last week, sent into the newspaper by one Duncan Mountford. I thought them so amusing I decided to post them for all of you who did not see them.

The following statements about the Bible were written by children in a school test.

1.  In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the day off.

2.  Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.  Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3.  Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4.  The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

5.  Sampson was a strongeman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6.  Sampson slayed the Phillistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7.  The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.

8.  The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

9.  The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

10. Moses died before he reached Canada.

11. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

12. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar.

13. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

14. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

15. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

16. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

17. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

18. The people who followed the lord were called the twelve decibels.

19. St. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

20. Christians have only one spouse.  This is called monotony.