Thank You From Nathan

We saw the boys again today.  Nathan was full of what happened at pre-school this morning.  They had a cake and all  the other children and staff sang Happy Birthday to him so he told me he has two birthdays now!

His mother read him all the messages that you left yesterday and Nathan has asked me to thank you for them, so that is exactly what I am doing. Big hugs from him to you.

We did take quite a few pictures yesterday and I shall be showing some on my journal when I have had a chance to sort them all out.

In the meantime, a couple of entries ago I did mention that I had some new photographs of the boys to show you, they are really great and we have them framed and hanging on our wall.

Firstly, both of them together

Now Daniel on his own

Lastly, Nathan

I think we have two very handsome Grandsons, but I know we are biased.

It was too hot to sit in the garden today but we enjoyed all being together and just talking and laughing.  I just cannot believe where today has gone, it has just flown past and I have got nothing done.  Never mind, it will still be there tomorrow.  Family is more important.

P.S. Rosemary of    Inspiration   needs help from anyone who has ever received or given a Nice Matters award.  Many of you have.  She has requested that the link be passed on.  I am happy to do so. You can find out more by visiting her journal.  Thank you.

AOL Journals: Magic Smoke#Entry3328#Entry3328

 

Tags: photos, family, grandchildren

Happy Birthday To A Handsome Young Man

A very Happy Birthday to our wonderful eldest Grandson Nathan who is four years old today.  - Sunday 29th June.

Nathan, you were was just under three weeks old when I started my journal and it is amazing how quickly time has gone.  You have grown into a very loving and handsome little boy and my online friends have watched your progress through my entries.

You have brought so much joy into our lives, so much fun, so much happiness and your smile lights up any room.

We love you very very much.  We are so proud of you. Wishing you a truly Happy Fourth Birthday with lots of presents and lots of fun.  We know you will be looking at this message and you will be excited to see yourself on here.

God bless you now and always

Your loving Nanjay and Grandy xxxx

Our thanks to Donna for the moving train graphic and  to Sugar for the Teddy Bear and blue car.

Tags: Birthday, Grandson, family

Sorting Out Confusion

It seems there was some confusion yesterday when I put at the bottom of my last entry (since amended) that if you wanted to use the graphic on your own journal then please ask Sugar or myself.

The graphic I was referring to was the tribute one to our departed friends and not the signature graphic.

So if you would like the J-Land Remembers graphic for your own journal - the one on my sidebar that lists names, then please let me know and I will send it to you.

If you prefer to just *snag* then please add a little note saying that you have done which is the polite thing to do.

It would be nice to know that this will be showing on a lot of journals.

Hope this clarifies things.

For Sugar

This is for you, Sugar my friend

My special thanks go to Sugar.  I asked if she would kindly make a new graphic for me.  I know Sugar suffers with her health and has been under the weather recently so I told her I perfectly understood if she felt unable to take it on.

I told her the colours I would like, the wording I required and also the little extras.

A very short time later Sugar wrote to me sending me the graphic she had made.  Just perfect.  Exactly as I had imagined it. 

It is now sitting proudly on my sidebar.

As I said in a previous entry, I realise I am lucky and hope that luck will continue.  Very brave and inspiring friends of ours were not so lucky and I will never forget them.  Several of them uplifted me, helped me, gave me courage and I know they inspired many others.

They were all so very special in their own way and each one contributed to our great community, some a little and some a very great deal.  Many showed such humour, such determination, nothing seemed to get them down.  I know that so many of us still miss them.

I know we have the J-Land Angels site and memorial quilts have been made in their honour but I wanted something a little different.

I could have asked for the wording "Jeannette Remembers" but they belonged to all of us, they were friends to so many, it was far more appropriate to use J-Land.

So, once again, Sugar - thank you so very much.  I am very grateful. I know they would be as well and that those named will be smiling on you today.

If anyone would like this tribute graphic to add to their journal I will gladly send it to you or please snag and let me know you have.  Thank you.

 

 

Emotions

Firstly, I would like to thank you so much for all the wonderful comments that you left under my last entry. Each and every one touched me and it is wonderful to know that so many care.

Secondly, yes I did get flowers from Mike

I also received some from Becky and family

Here they are en masse.  The lilies have opened now and are filling the room with perfume.

So, why have I titled this entry - Emotions?  Because mine are shot to pieces at the moment.

Some of you might think that is a very strange thing to say. When something wonderful happens to you as it did to me last Friday, you would expect to be on a high, you would expect to be dancing for joy.  I was -  for one day and then I disappeared into a black hole from which I have yet to emerge.

There may be some of you who can identify with this and that is the reason I decided to write about it.

As human beings we have great adaptability, we have great strength at times when it is called for.   You will all have heard stories of people being able to lift a car off somebody single-handed in an emergency, of people rushing into burning buildings with no thought for themselves.  There are many examples of what the human body and mind can do when the circumstances call for it.

However, at the end of the day we are not machines. For all things there is a reaction.  The mind is a strange thing and can cope with so much.  Take someone who has ever nursed and cared for elderly or sick loved ones.  The long hours, the same grind day after day, the endless worry.  I know I went through that with my Father.  I was exhausted, the family were exhausted but we carried on because we had to.  We never thought of the pressure, maybe because we did not dare think of it.  We just did what we had to do.

Anyone living under any type of stress for a long while has to.  It might be financial worries, an abusive relationship or, as mentioned, a sick loved one.  We cope, we manage, we get through each day at a time.

That is how it was with my Dad.  Then, one day he was gone. No more daily washing of soiled sheets, no more preparing meals, no more wondering if he wandered off somewhere or set fire to the house.  Then we had his loss to mourn and the arrangements to make.  It was only after all that was done that I shattered.  I did not have a break-down.  I just felt physically and mentally empty, worn down, worn out. It took me some time to recover.

I am experiencing that again right now.  After living for fifteen months under intense strain, after seeing J-Land friends lose their battles, after losing two very close non-journal  friends very suddenly and all whilst battling on myself.  Not being able to make long term plans for the future because I did not know if I had one. Living constantly with fear, tension, worry.  It was always there at the back of my mind no matter what I was doing.

At first I could not understand it myself.  Why could I have not kept that feeling of elation?  I have done a lot of thinking and realise now that is it because of all of the above.  As I said, we are not machines.  My cancer counsellor once told me - and I remembered her words today, that often people face their diagnosis and treatment with great bravery and courage, many even managing to retain a great sense of humour and being good examples to others.  She told me that often,  only when the pressure is lifted, that is when they fall apart. She said she has had people come back to her as much as two years later in pieces when the reaction has suddenly hit them.

Well, it has hit me much sooner.  That does not make it any easier to bear and certainly does not detract from the good news of last Friday.   However, my family are finding it hard to understand why I have shed more tears in the last few days than I have in months.

My emotions are a mixture of relief, guilt, exhaustion, emptiness.  As if I am not capable of anything right now.  I suppose I am lucky it has hit me now rather than much later down the line.

I hope these feelings do not last too long, I am trying to deal with them as best I can.  I take each day as it comes and hope that each day sees an improvement. If not, then I will contact the counsellor again and talk things through with her.

I hope you have been able to understand what I have tried to say.  Some things are very hard to put into words but I have done my best.

I have a feeling that some of you who will read this can identify and have been through similar things yourself.

Anyway, thanks again for all the wonderful words of congratulation, they mean the world to me.

We have a little man's Birthday coming up soon and I am going to try and concentrate on that.

Love

Tags: emotions, trauma, reaction

WONDERFUL!

I have some truly wonderful news to share with you today.

I had the results of my mammogram - no abnormalities found, no cancer!!!!  I have my first year all clear. 

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions this morning.  Mike was out and I was cleaning the bedroom when I saw the postman coming up our path.  I could see a small brown envelope in his hands and new immediately what it was.  My heart was in my mouth, my stomach was churning.  I had been told the wait could be up to five weeks and anything coming quite a lot sooner than that usually signified a problem.

I picked up the letter, went and sat on my bed and stared and stared at it. I wanted to open it, I did not want to open it.  Should I wait for Mike to return?  No, I could no do that.  My family have been a tower of strength to me but, in the end, it was an ordeal I had been through, personal to me and if there should be bad news then I needed to work out how to tell Mike and Becky.

I opened it with shaking hands.  I was told it would be a letter.  Inside was a card which usually brings an appointment.  I was saying "please God, please God".  I took the card out, read it and could not take it in.  I read it and re-read it.  Then the dam broke.

Fifteen months of not knowing.  Fifteen months of tension and stress, all the trouble I had with my anti-cancer tablets, I just sobbed and sobbed until I could not cry any more. Great racking sobs of relief and thankfulness. 

Mike came in whilst I was crying and was worried.  At first I could not get the words out.  I managed to tell him I had heard from the hospital, his face fell.  Then I told him, "all clear Mike, all clear".  His face lit up, he threw his arms around me and we hugged and hugged.  He says he is going to buy me a big bunch of flowers and he probably will but I told him that todayI have been given the best gift I could ever have been given.

I count myself truly blessed.  When I think of our J-Land friends who are no longer with us, I realise just how lucky I am.  I wish they were here today to share in this good news, I recall so well the support they gave me.  I shall always remember them with deep affection.

Of course, this is just the first step.  Another four years before I finally get the all-clear and the hospital discharge me.  Four more years of the oncologist, mammograms, the dreaded trips to the hospital.  But, the first hurdle is over.

Now, my dear friends, I want to thank each and every one of you.  I know how many of you prayed for me, buoyed me up, had your churches praying for me.  I remember all the cards you sent me and I have them still and will always keep them.  I remember the e-mails also.

Your friendship and my own faith sustained me through a nightmare and will continue to sustain me. Our God is loving and merciful.  He heard all my prayers, the prayers of my family and all your prayers.  As I said, I am very lucky, very lucky indeed and count myself truly blessed.

A wonderful  surgeon and medical team, a strong and supportive family and all you wonderful people on here.  When I was terrified I received the help I needed.

So today, 20th June, is a very special day for me and the tears I have cried are tears of relief and of joy. 

Now my prayers will be that the cancer never returns and I can enjoy many more years watching our Grandsons grow up.

Once again, thank you all for your support.  You are the best.  J-Land and our wonderful community got me through so many bad times.  God bless each and every one of you.

Blooming Marvellous!

I know to our American friends in some parts of the U.S. that cactus plants are nothing unusual at all.  However, here in the U.K. the weather does not permit the growing of them out of doors (although if they are right about our climate, that could all change).

I have always had a fascination with them.  I used to have a very large collection years ago when I could devote time to them and did not mind being in a hot greenhouse.  Now I only have a couple.

About eight years ago I purchased an Opuntia (prickly pear).  It consisted of one pad and was very small.  Each year I re-potted it, made sure it got plenty of sun and little water.  Every summer brought a couple more pads and nothing else.  I had hoped that one day it would flower for me.

About three weeks ago I saw some little growths on the top pads.  I did not know whether they were yet more pads growing but had a feeling that this might just be the year and..........................I was right.  It has come into flower at long last.  I am delighted with it.  As you can see, there are plenty more to come out yet.

 

A long wait but very worthwhile in the end. Cacti have such wonderful blooms.  No signs on my other specimen yet but you never know.

I just do not know what is happening to summer this year.  Even yesterday when it was bright and sunny we had very strong winds.  Today it is chilly, gloomy and overcast and they forecast a wet and windy weekend as well.  Dean was unable to help with the trees last Sunday as he had hurt his back and it is planned for this coming weekend but if the forecast is correct they are not going to get done.

We are just not getting the weather for the flowers to do their best and the Geraniums around the pond are not putting on the growth that they should.  Even whilst I am writing this the skies are growing darker and darker and it looks as if it is going to pour with rain very soon.

Mike took another photo of the front of our home the other evening just as the sun was going down.  It does look nice with all the plants, they seem to be doing better out there because they are more sheltered than the ones at the back. It looks quite tropical!

I am happy that you all liked our new windows and door. We are still over the moon with them.

Well, that is about all for today. I hope you are all well and happy.  Next time I have some nice new photos of Nathan and Daniel to share with you.

Love,

Out With The Old

I had my hospital appointments last Monday.  I will not go into detail except to say the journey was horrendous.  It turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far (since then the weather has been more like October) and the traffic was simply terrible.  Outside the hospital was a line of vehicles about half a mile long trying to get in.

Needless to say I was in a bit of a state by the time I got to my first appointment but the people were absolutely lovely and got me through it.  Afterwards I arrived for my mammogram on time.  That was very painful due to the radiation damage I  had incurred but it was soon over.  Now, it is just the waiting game once more.  I jump everytime the phone rings and my stomach goes over every time post comes through the door. It is a pity they never give you answers there and then.  I have been told I can wait up to five weeks for the results unless there is a problem, so in this instance, I am hoping I hear nothing for quite a time.  Fingers crossed for me please everyone.

We have our new windows in.  We were a bit worried because just after the fitters arrived, the skies opened and we did not think the work would be able to go ahead but it did not last long and despite a couple more lighter showers the work was completed.  We are delighted.  We have even had a neighbour pop over and say how lovely they look!

It was an expense we could have done without but we could not stand it any longer.  The old windows had gone completely and also let in draughts and damp.  So, I am going to share photos with you today.

Here is our home as most of you have already seen it in the past - with the old windows and door.

Here is the reason we had to have them done.  First picture is of our bedroom window and the second our dining room. We have lived with them like this for two years.

It is more than obvious why they had to go!! The new windows and door are brown on the outside but white on the inside to match the rest of our home. Here is the first new window:-

Both windows done

Next is a photo of the Father and Son team who did the work.  They set up their own business less than two years ago and are doing really well and all by personal recommendation, they never have to advertise.  Two of the nicest people we have ever met, a laugh a minute and their workmanship is superb.  We have told them that, if we are ever lucky on the lottery, we will have them back to do more work.  They already have another commission in this street simply because a neighbour watched them work, saw the results and booked them.  That is exactly what we did when we saw them work on another property in this road.

Lastly, two photographs of the work all finished and the new front door in place.  They also did a replacement glass panel in the kitchen with an extractor fan fitted.

 

What a transformation and you can see why we are delighted with the end result.

Well, that is about all our news.  We had both the boys over yesterday and they were a delight as always.  It has been too chilly for me to work in the garden except for a bit of dead-heading.  If the rain holds off, Dean is coming over tomorrow to do some tree lopping for us.  With a very wet and mild summer last year, a mild winter and a lot of rain so far this year, they have got out of control.  About six need doing so we are hoping it stays dry because this is the only free day Dean has and in a couple of weeks they go on holiday.  Our garden is starting to resemble a forest!

Hope you enjoyed seeing the photographs and also hope that you, dear friends and readers, are happy, healthy and enjoying life.

Now all I need to be able to relax after such a long while is great results from my mammogram.  I know you will all send out good thoughts.

Love,