Saturday Update

A follow on from the traumatic experience I wrote about last night.

The district nurses have been wonderful.  One of them phoned me this morning to see how I was and when she heard I was still distressed she got the senior district nurse to visit me within fifteen minutes.

She examined me and said that there is no sign of infection.  It always has a certain redness to it when infected. The stiffness I feel is normal because it is pressing on nerves.  The heat is simply caused by the build up of fluid.  She also checked my temperature which is normal.  Naturally my blood sugars have gone soaring and she said this is what is making me feel unwell, that it is stress-related and I am not to worry about it at this time.

Because of what happened last night she feels it is in my best interests to wait until I see my surgeon on Monday morning.  He will not only drain it but tell me exactly what to do and who to contact if it happens again and it is quite likely to.  She will be ringing me in the morning (Sunday) to see how I am.  She said unless anything changes for the worst that is what she feels would be best for me.

If it suddenly starts growing, turns red, I start to feel really unwell then she said to call an ambulance but she says in her professional opinion this is not likely to happen based on much experience with other breast cancer patients.  She assured me that if she felt it was necessary she would have called an ambulance today.  That has relaxed me somewhat.

She did say the the wound under my arm still has a centrimetre that has not closed and she was very concerned that the doctor examined me last night without washing his hands and his whole manner left a lot to be desired.  She said it was disgusting when he kept asking me what the operation was for, any GP should know by where the wounds were what it was for.  She has told me where I can put it an official complaint and she also told me to tell my surgeon about it on Monday.  Do not worry, I fully intend to.

So, at least my mind has been put at rest.  Although it is painful I know that it is not likely to be something that has gone wrong with the operation and four people have now confirmed it is fluid.  I can live with the discomfort until Monday, at least I know I will be seeing somebody decent then.

Of course, now I am even more scared about going back.  Last night's experience went a long way to undoing all the good and positive thoughts I had built up about hospitals.  But I will have my wonderful Mike and Becky with me and I will do it somehow.

Thank you all for your concern.  Just wanted to let you know the current situation. The nurse says I can ring them at any time.  Just wish it had not happened and I did not have this discomfort to put up with.

I know you will all be thinking about me on Monday morning and wishing me well.  I shall be leaving here at 9 a.m.  Hopefully I will be returning minus the fluid!

The Bad Side Of The Health Service

This evening I experienced the bad side of the Health Service.  I noticed late afternoon that I was getting much more discomfort than usual, actual pain in fact.  I thought maybe I had done the exercises too strenuously.

I went in to have my second shower of the day and noticed that my breast was very swollen, then a found a large lump under my armpit and over the scar.  Just my luck, it was too late to contact my doctor's surgery, it was closed.  So, although I had been signed off by the district nurses, in desperation I phoned them.  They could sense I was distressed so a nurse came out to see me.

She said it was an accumulation of fluid and was caused by the lymph glands being removed, fluid had nowhere to drain.  I was warned this could happen but it was most likely in the first few days after surgery.  I had done everything correctly, not overdone things so it was strange it should happen at this late stage.  Anyway she could see no sign of infection.  To double check she telephoned the ward I had been on and spoke to the ward sister.  Explained everything, told her it was very painful and also very hot.  The sister agreed that it was almost certainly an accumulation of fluid but warned that because it is in a pool there with nowhere to go, it can get infected and therefore I needed to see a doctor to see if I needed antibiotics over the weekend until my appointment at the clinic on Monday.  She also told me the swelling will need to be drained, it will not disappear on its own. She said my surgeon will arrange everything on Monday and it is not too long to wait and it was only the possibility that I might need antibiotics that worried her.

The district nurse was very good and phoned the out of hours service doctors.  She was told they would phone me back within two hours.  As I was very distressed by the whole thing she told me to relax in bed and try not to worry.  Two hours later the doctor did phone me back.  He wanted to know the whole story which I repeated to him including what the nurse had done, what the ward sister had said and that the nurse was not able to prescribe anything for me and I needed to be seen.

He informed me they did not visit patients at home for something as trivial as that.  I told him I did not think that breast cancer was trivial and I was in severe discomfort.  He told me that I had to come to the out of hours clinic at the General Hospital.  By this time I was going frantic, you all know my problems with travelling and I had so wanted to stay calm for Monday.  He told me I could take it or leave it.  I could see my own doctor on Monday morning.  I pointed out that Monday morning I am due at the Breast Clinic to see my consultant.  Well, you either come down here or you have to put up with it.  I had no choice. So I set off for an appointment at 9.40p.m.

Becky had to rush over to help keep me calm.  We get to the hospital.  They had not been told I was coming even though everything was supposed to have been faxed through.  They could not find my records as the computers were down.

I go in to see this doctor.  To be honest, he could have been Joe Bloggs off the street.  First he asked whether it was correct I had a lump or swelling.  I told him I had.  He asked me why I had been crying.  I told him because I was agoraphobic and any journey was difficult for me and also because I was in pain and even riding in the car hurt.  He then asked me to strip to the waist.  I did so but then had to point out to him we were on the ground floor and his blinds were open!!!!!!  He reluctantly closed them.  He examined me (remember my wounds are still fresh) without even washing his hands and God only knows who he had seen before me. 

He asked me what the operation was for.  I told him breast cancer.  He poked and prodded and agreed it was a cyst or an accumulation of fluid.  He examined the scars again.  Again he asked me what I had had surgery for.  He took my bp and my pulse.  Wrote a few notes then just stared blankly at me.  I asked what would be done.  He said he could do nothing.  I pointed out I was at the hospital and there must be some hospital doctor on hand who could give me a local anasthetic and drain it so I could have a pain free weekend.  He said he was not authorised to do anything, he was just an emergency general practitioner from an agency and had nothing to do with the hospital.  I told him in that case he should get a second opinion from someone in the hospital.  Blank looks.

I asked him whether thenotes he had written would be sent to the breast clinic for Monday morning so that my surgeon could see them.  No I was told, they go to your own doctor.  I told him that was no good, my own doctor would not be able to do anything.

He said go home and take paracetamol.  I told him paracetamol were not touching the pain.  He said words to the effect that I was not actually screaming when he touched me.  I told him I have a fairly high pain threshhold and what good would screaming do.  He said it was not red or inflamed and he could find no sign of infection, so in his opinion antibiotics were not necessary especially as I had just finished a course.  I asked what would happen if the swelling continued to grow over the weekend.  He then said I would have to go back to Accident and Emergency and it would be arranged for someone to drain it for me.  I told him we are right next to Accident and Emergency, is is only feet away, give me a note and I will go in there.  Blank looks.   He then asked a third time what I had the operation for. 

I almost shouted by now that I had had a lumpectomy for a tumour and the removal of the lymph nodes under my arm.  He asked if I meant a lump in my breast.  I seriously wondered whether this man had ever qualified.

So, we came home.  I am still in as much discomfort, pain killers do not touch it.  Now I am facing a miserable weekend and when I go to the clinic on Monday I now not only face the results, the date of the commencement of my radiotherapy and anti-cancer drugs, I also face having to have this cyst drained plus any antibiotics that are needed.  As if I needed more pressure than I already have!!!!!!  I only hope it does not put my treatment back.

To say I am disgusted with the way I was treated tonight is putting it mildly.

I know my surgeon is not going to be best pleased with the way I was treated or the fact it has been left over the weekendbut it is up to him to take it further if necessary.  I only know that I feel very low right now.  There is nothing worse than pain, worry that it could get worse, worry that I might have to go rushing back over the weekend and they will have to drain it anyway.  Then I have Monday to face.

They say it never rains but it pours.  I wish it would stop raining in my life.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that the situation will not get any worse and that on Monday, my surgeon will drain it for me or arrange for it to be drained and it will not delay my treatment by much. 

As for that doctor I saw, I am glad he is not my GP. He was about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Spring Has Sprung

These are my Mother's Day flowers from Becky, Dean, Nathan and Daniel.  They are so beautiful and still going strong.

Today is the same as yesterday, bright sunshine and perhaps Spring has sprung or perhaps not as they say it will turn cold again later in the week.

I am progressing.  Still in a lot of discomfort with the underarm, I guess that is the nerves and muscles, some parts are still numb.  Time will take care of that.  The nurse comes in tomorrow and I should be signed off then as the wounds no longer need any dressings.  I am getting scared as next Monday draws closer because that is when I get the full laboratory results and naturally I am hoping they will be the best possible in regards to the continuing treatment.

I was sad yesterday.  You know how much I love my garden.  This is the time when I would be out there, weeding, pruning, digging over ground.  Of course I am not allowed to do any of these things.  Mike, bless him, with all the other things he has to do these days said he would do it for me.  It was nice to see the weeds disappear and the grass get its first mow of the year but I so wanted to be doing it myself, I so love getting my hands in the soil.  It feels so spiritual when I am working in the garden.   I could not even sit out in the sun because it might not be a good idea at this particular time.  I did sit with the back door open watching Mike work and the most beautiful birdsong was filling the air.  I could not see the bird so I did not know which variety it was, but it was absolutely stunning.

I am getting quite bored being able to do so little, even the computer hurts after a short time because when you type you move your arm.  Still, I am not complaining. I am making progress and that is the main thing.

I told you I made two lovely friends whilst in hospital.  One of them phoned me up on Sunday and the other is in e-mail contact with me.  She also had breast surgery but before me.  Unfortunately she lost her breast and goes back to the clinic this Friday.  She is scared as well.  She knows in her case it is chemo and she has three very young children to look after.  How nice it is though to meet people in those circumstances and be able to stick together.  Turns out she only lives a couple of miles from me.

I shall be seeing Nathan and Daniel for the first time tomorrow and am so looking forward to that.  This afternoon I have a friend coming to visit.  Visitors are rare at our house.  I have known her for well over thirty years, our daughters grew up together and we used to be neighbours.  She was shocked when she heard the news of course.  She has a wonderful sense of humour and she always has me in gales of laughter so that is bound to do me good.

My "brother" and I have put that in inverted commas for good reason has not even bothered to wish me luck either before surgery or since.  When I tell you he lives fifty yards from me in the same road and Mike told him almost as soon as we knew............speaks for itself.  No note through the door, no good luck card, total silence. The door is now closed to him for good. I could write a book about what we have been through with him and his wife over many years but they are not worth the time and trouble.  I have had more love, support and understanding from my friends here in J-Land and my cousin and a couple of friends going back to schooldays.  It did hurt me though, at first, as he is my last living full-blood relative.  I was hurt, then angry but now I am putting him out of my life for good and all and concentrating on getting well and my own family and my true friends, my J-Land family.

Well, starting to hurt a bit now so I am going to go and have my lunch and get ready to see my friend this afternoon.

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all your support which I know will be ongoing.  Reading your messages has brought me great comfort.

I do ask you all to pray for Sugar (A Little Bit Of Sugar) link on my sidebar, who is undergoing her cancer surgery today.  Unlike me, she does not have a very supportive family.  She is a friend to many in J-Land and I know you will wish her well.

I promise to get back to commenting on your journals as soon as I can but in the circumstances, I know you will understand.  God bless you all.

Love

BC And Me

Hello my dear friends

Well, the first round is over and I hope we have dealt that damned cancer a good knock-out blow and put it on the canvas for good.  Round one to us! (my surgeon, his team and hopefully myself).

This is my first time back on the computer so I do not want to overdo things.  There is so much I could share with you but that would take a novel.  Becky is wrong, I will not regale you with all the gory details.  Things happened very fast when I was admitted.  I was very scared in the preparation room, sure I was not going to wake up, I remember crying.  Only one person was allowed to go in and stay with me until they put me under, Mike could not face it. I nearly had the nurse in tears over things I said to Mike just outside the door.  Becky was the one who came in and held my hand all the time.  There was a sea of faces around me all telling me their names, I cannot remember any of them.  Becky was holding my hand, then I saw my surgeon bending over me with a big grin on his face.  I do remember telling Becky I felt funny and that was that.  Within two hours I was sitting up in bed drinking a cup of tea.  Boy, that tea was the best I ever tasted.

I have some photos to share with you, firstly the view from my window

Trying to put a brave face on for the world, but the eyes tell a different story

Dig those sexy stockings 

Back from surgery and very relieved

Some of my battle scars

As you can see, I bruise easily.  Public decency prevents me from showing you anything further. 

Guess what? When my consultant came to check on me after surgery, he told me that all had gone well and they had removed everything they wanted plus a bit more to err on the side of caution.  He told me not to get a fright when I looked in the mirror.  You see, I have a turquoise nipple now, well rather half a turquoise nipple.  It is the dye they use.  It does not wash off and could well be there for several months. "Typical" I said. He asked me what I meant. I told him it would have been far better if I had had the brightly coloured nipple in the days when I did topless glamour modelling, I could have commanded a much higher price and made an absolute fortune in blue movies as "The girl with the rainbow tits".  He guffawed.  He told me they had removed the cancer but my sense of humour had certainly remained in tact!!!

The best photo - going home

I had a drain in and I cannot tell you the times I fell over that because I forgot it.  Up to totter to the loo either dragging the bag behind me having forgotten to pick the thing up or tripping over it.  Trying to get back into bed to find it wrapped around my leg like an umbilical cord.  Originally I was coming home with it in but the consultant said things were going so well I could have it out before I left.  The nurses have been coming in every day to change the dressings.  The incision on the breast is now completely dry, the one under the arm almost.   I have been told I can have a shower tomorrow - Yippee!!!!!!!  Only plain water but at least I will feel clean.  I had to manage with wipes in the hospital.  I could not put my hands in water because of the canula and drip and then the dressing on my hand so it was make do and mend. 

Him indoors washed my hair for me this morning - bliss.  I had to kneel over the bath to make sure I do not get any water on the incisions but we managed.  We take these little things for granted don't we?  Washing, shampooing our hair, it is only when for one reason or another we cannot do them that we realize just how important they are to us.

I also have to do exercises twice a day.  They were a little painful at first but now I find them easy.  Was I in great pain?  No -  more discomfort than pain.  I had the minimum of painkillers which surprised the staff. 

So, as I said, that is round one over.  Seconds out for round two when I attend for my appointment on the 2nd April. Round two will be what treatment follows on from here. I know for definite it will be anti-cancer drugs but still not sure on radiotherapy or anything else.  Will take that as it comes.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support, your love and good wishes, your cards.  I tell you honestly that you did help to make it easier for me because I knew you were all behind me all the way.  God bless you, each and every one.

Now I am off for a little lie down.

Update from Becky

Hello everyone, this is Becky.  As you can imagine things have been hectic and this is the first opportunity I have had to let you know the latest news about Mum.

She had her surgery at around 9.45 a.m. on Friday.  No doubt she will tell you the gory details another time. She was awake from the anasethetic within 15 minutes but had to spend an hour in the recovery room.  She was back on the ward by 12 noon. They constantly monitored her bp and blood sugar levels and kept her on oxygen for several hours.  You know Mum, she even said take a photo for my journal, I do not care how bad I might look I want my readers to see that I faced it and have the photo to prove it.  She will post that when she feels better.

She had a drain in her chest and also under her arm but because she responded so well to the drainage of what they call "serious fluid", the consultant said it could come out and that he would have the district nurse come and check for any problems.

So, the best news is that Mum is home.  We brought her home about 30 minutes ago.  She is very weak on her legs and in a great deal of discomfort as you can imagine, she is also very tired as it was impossible for her to get to sleep until about 3 a.m. and the nurse woke her up at 5. am. to run a battery of tests!  Mum thought she would be able to go back to sleep but the nurse zipped up the window blind and said she could watch the sun come out.  Mum was not best pleased especially as the sun did not come up.

She has several battle scars where she is black and blue, she has a cough from the anasthetic, a terrible sore throat from the breathing tube that went down, she is in great discomfort with the breast and the underarm where they took away all the lymph nodes.  But the main thing is that she is home.  She did so well and also the consultant thought it was better to get her home as quickly as possible and she would recover better in her own surroundings.  Mum made two great friends in there and was sad to leave them in a way but they have exchanged addresses and in once case,e -mail and you know Mum, when she makes friends, she keeps them.

The district nurse will be coming tomorrow.

So she is taking one day at a time.  Later I will read her all the messages you left for her.  Right now she is enjoying a large mug of tea, wants to have something to eat and then get some sleep for a few hours.

Dad and I thank you so much for your support.  I do not need to tell you how Mum feels about you all but it has been very heartening for Dad and myself to know that all that love is out there for all of us.  This has been a very stressful time for the whole family.

Thank you all so much.  We know you will wish Mum a speedy recovery and look forward to her return to her journal.  Then she faces the next hurdle of the full results and what treatment will arise from that.  She still has a long way to go but the biggest hurdle yet is over, the cancer has been removed.

Love Becky

Going In

Meet "Honey" my lucky mascot that Becky bought for me at the breast unit Today. She is a breast cancer awareness bear and so cute.

It has certainly been a day.  My consultant, the wonderful Mr. Caspar Tsokadayi, meet me almost as soon as I got there and asked me how I was , between seeing other patients.  He promised he would not keep me waiting long and he was as good as his word.

The cancer has been confirmed by the core biopsy and I am going in for surgery..................................tomorrow, yes tomorrow Friday 16th March!   What he had not told me last week was that was because of my agoraphobia and general anxiety he had no intention of keeping me waiting and he had, in fact, pencilled me in for surgery when I saw him last week.  He did say it was up to me and that I could wait for another week.  However, I do not want this cancer inside me, I want rid of it so I found myself, although terrified, saying yes, tomorrow then.

After that I had all the pre-admission checks.  Firstly loads of blood taken which they took in a separate little sitting room while they gave us cups of tea.  Then it was on to have my bp checked, my diabetes checked, my urine checked, have my height and weight taken, an ECG then to see another doctor who listened to my chest, back, stomach etc. and gave me a thorough medical.  All this should have been done in the main hospital but because of my fear of hospitals and general anxiety, my consultant arranged everything to be done right there at the breast clinic.  We hear a lot of bad things about the health service but they could not have made it easier for me and the staff so far have been absolutely wonderful.

You can imagine how scared I am of tomorrow, the fear of the anasthetic, of being unable to control what happens to me but at least it will be over and done with quickly.

When the lump is removed it then goes to the laboratory for various tests and it will not be for two weeks until I get the full results.  That will decide what treatment follows on from there, radiotherapy and anti-cancer drugs or one or the other, even chemo.  I will deal with that when the time comes.  As for now, I have to find the courage and strength to face tomorrow.

I ask you all to pray for me.  I am first on the list and will be going for surgery at 9.30 a.m.  My consultant is arranging for Mike to stay with me almost until then.

I do not know when I will be able to type or even feel like typing and, of course, Becky and Mike are going to have their hands full for the next couple of days.  They will be spring-cleaning the bedroom from top to toe to prevent the risk of any infection.  However, Becky has promised that she will post on here as soon as she can to let you know how things went and how I am doing.

So, my friends, that is all I can tell you.  My stomach is in knots but I am so glad that this is being dealt with quickly.  Although this is only the beginning of treatment and there is a long road to travel, I am going to travel it with the best of my ability and keep as positive as I can.  I am in God's hands and He has never failed me so far.

I shall leave you now with some pictures of the Primroses we planted the other day.

Sorry I will not be able to deal with any alerts today, I have to get everything I need to take in with me ready and then spend time with my family.

God bless you all and thank you once again for the marvellous support you have given me and I know you will continue to give me.  J-Land people are the best there are.

 

 

And a picture of our lovely Jack guarding the rabbits, Cassandra and Mrs. Miniver.

Until we meet again, take care of yourselves and be good to each other.

Tuesday

Just a quick entry from me today because I wanted to thank Linda in Washington for her lovely card which arrived this morning and our own dear Sandra for the lovely present and card which also arrived this morning.

I did not have a good evening last night and feel absolutely shattered today so to have the postman knock on the door and give me something totally unexpected, lifted my spirits.

Thank you both so much for your kindness and thoughtfulness.

P.S. I am actually getting some alerts in today, still no buttons on journal though.