Jokes

Oh how I wish the above picture was of here!  We have still not had one drop of rain although they keep on forecasting it. 

It has all been very quiet here so there is nothing really to write about.  No photos of the garden because it is all so parched and looking forlorn.

So I thought I would post a couple of jokes I have "borrowed" from a site I belong to.

*Please note that these jokes are in no way intended to offend anyone.  Particularly the last joke. I do not want to upset our American friends in any way.  The jokes are only intended to raise a smile in a sad world.

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple  of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand......and try saying things like 'I see', 'yes', 'go on', and 'I understand'."

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying "No sh ?.... what happened next?"

 

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The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm and detect the  smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cartons you hear cows mooing and smell the scent of fresh butter fat.

When you approach the egg boxes, you hear hens cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.

..... I'm afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

 

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Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I re-attached them, and 8 months later he performed a  private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I re-attached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train travelling 80 miles an hour.  Almost total obliteration. All I had left to work with was the horse's arse and a cowboy hat.

Now he's president of the United States."

 

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Wishing you all a great week!

 

There's Always Something!

Well, here I am again.  Just getting over a bout of what must have been food poisoning. I have rarely felt so ill and the pains were crippling. Spent lots of time in the smallest room in the house but you do not want to know about that.  We had some corned beef and I did not like the taste of it at the time, in fact I only ate half of mine and gave the rest to Jesse and Jack.  It upset them as well!!!

On the mend now but my stomach still feels very tender and I still have no appetite and no energy.

Last night I switched on the computer to find I had problems.  It now takes fifteen minutes to fire up, I could not log onto aol. etc. etc.   I know that several of you have had computer problems so my first thought was that it had to be a virus.  We ran full virus checks - nothing.  We ran Spyware - nothing.  Dean came and had a look.  He knows quite a bit about computers, he cannot fathom the problem.

I was able to uninstall aol and re-install it so that at least I am back online but if I suddenly disappear then you will know why.  I fear my faithful and normally trusty pc will have to go away for repair.  Thankfully it is still under warranty but I dread the thought of being without it.  So, there is always something to stress you out.

On a more positive note, the weather although still humid has cooled off a great deal from yesterday and I am hopeful that we might get some rain.  Fingers crossed.

On an even more positive note, Daniel's first set of test results came back absolutely clear.  Bless him, he was as good as gold at the hospital.  The blood tests results are still awaited as his appointment with an eye specialist.  Fingers crossed on all those as well.

So, after the illness of the week, after the stress of the computer last night and again for most of today, I think I will go and have a little lie down.  I can only hope I feel much better within a couple of days and that the old computer holds out.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

P.S. I have no idea why the graphic has started to flash. It was perfectly o.k. when I put it on.

Second Posting Today - News from Sandra

I am back again with the second entry of the day.  A long time after I posted this morning, I received an email from our dear friend Sandra of Sandra's Scribbles.

She has suffered a computer crash and does not know when she will be back online.  She says she feels very cut off and I know she will be suffering with withdrawal symptoms!!  We do so rely on our computers don't we?

Anyway I said I would do a posting to let you all know because her last posting said she was not well and she wanted you to know that she is fine, it is her computer that is sick and she will be back online as soon as she can.

Confused? - You Will Be!

What a strange language English is.  Need some proof?  Here you go then....

Can you read these correctly the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A sewer fell down into a sewer pipe.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't  preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

They say that this week will be even hotter than last and temperatures may well top 100 degrees by Wednesday.  I think I shall do the reverse of most creatures and hibernate until the colder  weather comes.  Try to stay cool and please remember baby Daniel attending hospital for tests tomorrow.  Never nice, but much worse in this heat.

Have a good week, dear readers.

 

Two Years

Two years ago today I was looking at AOL mainscreen and the word "blog" caught my eye.  What drew me to it I do not know.  Before I knew it I had taken the plunge and created my own.

After three entries with absolutely no comments, I did a fourth entry saying that it was obvious that nobody was reading and so I had decided to finish it there and then but I left that entry for twenty-four hours -  just in case.  Of course, that is when I got some comments.  I thought I might be able, at a push, to keep the journal going for a couple of months.  Now, here we are two years later and I am still writing it.  Not so often these days.  I have written so much about my family history, myself, my childhood, holidays, memories etc. that it is hard to come up with anything different now.  I live such a quiet and restricted life that there is not really much to write about there.

However I shall keep popping up from time to time as I could not imagine my life without a journal these days.  So, I would like to wish my own journal-

                        

However, my thanks go to all of you, my dear readers.  Had you not gone on reading and commenting then I could not have gone on writing.  I am proud to be a part of this great community.  I am touched and honoured by the friendships that I have made and I do thank you from the bottom of my heart.  So, for all of you

I hope to be back with another entry soon when this weather cools down.  They say today might be the hottest day for a hundred years.  It is certainly far too hot for me but I could not let this particular day pass unmarked.

God bless you all

What A Week!

It has been one of those weeks that you would rather forget.

Last Sunday the table came over from Becky and Dean and all the work clearing out the sideboard and removing it from the room was worth it.  The table fitted in well and there is less clutter.  Mike began staining the chairs in dark oak (they look like new now) and as he was sneezing a good deal we put it down either to the fumes from the wood stain or hayfever which he used to suffer with badly.

However, he then developed a sore throat, temperature and headache and pains all over his body.  Two days later, I went down with it.  We have both been very poorly for the last few days.  We both still have chesty coughs and feel very weak and tired so that has put a temporary halt to any attempts to finish clearing out the loft or doing anything in the garden.

Thankfully the weather has remained mild and we have been able to have the doors and windows open.  Well, we did until..........a new neighbour over at the back of us decided to demolish his garage. Well, yes he is entitled but we are talking about an asbestos roof here.  He set about it with a pickaxe.  Asbestos is supposed to be dealt with in a proper manner, some types of it are more dangerous than others but it should all be treated with respect.  We had dust and bits flying everywhere and this is all started when baby Daniel was playing in the garden.  We have a councillor living a couple of doors up so Mike mentioned it to him.  I know the council took it seriously and informed the health and safety department.  Apparently they paid him a visit because they were concerned as to how he was going to dispose of it.  We are not bad neighbours but you cannot be too careful where health is concerned.  Anyway we still had to put up with him using a pneumatic drill until around 9 p.m. every evening and that lasted several days. Oh the joys of summer.  As if we were not feeling bad enough we had to close the doors and windows.

Becky got a new car about ten days ago.  A beautiful colour and much bigger for the boys who were very cramped up in the old one.  On Tuesday she had a prang in it.  She was very upset as you can imagine.  Becky is a very good driver with a clean record - it was just one of those fluke things that can happen to anyone.  Luckily no injuries were sustained by anybody but the insurance companies are now involved and the car has to go away for repairs and that cannot be done until the end of the month.

Like I said, one of those weeks you would rather forget. 

I sold about eighteen items on Amazon and they went like hot cakes, we were sending parcels out every single day but now things have dried up completely.  I have another fifty items for sale on there and I am praying they do go because I do not now have the room to keep them since we changed things around and they are far too good for a charity shop.  So I am keeping my fingers crossed for some sales.

Well, on a lighter note, I have a lovely new photo of Nathan and Daniel. Neither of them are smiling but it is a beautiful photo all the same and will be going in a frame on our wall.

They are not really anything alike as you can see but then neither were my brothers, people never thought they were related.

As I have not been able to do anything due to this bug I have filled the time by doing competitions in a magazine.  You never know, I just might have some good luck.  I can live in hopes.

Finally, a couple of new shots of our other boys

I shall try to catch up on a few of your journals today and over the weekend.

I hope you have all had a good week and I hope that next week will be better for us.

Until the next time....................

In Remembrance of 7/7

Picture from Aol mainpage.

Remembering today all those who lost their lives in the London bombings exactly one year ago.   May God rest their souls and be with their families whose lives were changed forever on that summer day and whose grief remains.

May we all pray for peace in a better world.

Cooler At Last

I am so pleased that the heatwave has ended for the time being at least.  I have had to spend most of the last few days in the bedroom which is the coolest room, bored out of my mind.  There is only so much you can read and only so much t.v. you can watch.  It did give me a chance to view "Brokeback Mountain" which I very much enjoyed.  Great performances all round and stunning scenery.

I have not even been able to step into the garden but can see from indoors that the grass is going very brown, things have been flowering very quickly and then fading just as quickly.  Mike has been doing all the watering but we really do need some prolonged rain now.

At least I have some pretty indoors flowers because my Orchid has bloomed

Nature is so stunning.  This if the first orchid I have ever had.  When the blooms truly are finished I have to cut the stems right back and I only hope I can keep the plant going until it blooms again.

Now we have cooler weather, we can get on with the loft clearance hopefully.  I also have a sideboard to go through in our dining room. Lots of things to be put elsewhere and some for the charity shop. We want to get rid of the sideboard so we have room to put in a bigger dining table.  At the moment the one we have only seats four so we cannot have the whole family over for a meal but Becky and Dean have just replaced theirs and we are having their old one.

Daniel saw the specialist at the hospital this morning.  Becky has requested that I do not go into detail and I respect her wishes.  Let me just say that he will have a lot more hospital appointments and tests (to find out exactly what the problem is) coming up between now and the end of September, bless his little soul.

Jack must be growing up because at last he has learned to cock his leg and not just squat and recently barked for the first time (I think he frightened himself).

Other than that I have from time to time been selling books and CD's and DVD's on Amazon.  Amazing a couple of things I put on sold within the hour. I have been doing that late in the evenings when it has been relatively cooler.

For the time being at least, I will only be updating my journal once a week.  I need to catch up on other things.

Hope life is being good to you all

Scorching Saturday

It is going to be a scorcher today in the South East, so they say and hotter tomorrow.  Not my kind of weather.  I like it pleasantly warm.  No doubt it will be very quiet as well because England are playing their next game in The World Cup later on today.  Come on boys, show us how you can really shine!

Nathan had a lovely Birthday.  He loves his farm and has already spent a long time playing with it.  We saw them for some of the day and then they went to the beach where Nathan was able to paddle in the sea and have a huge ice-cream.  He collected some shells which he gave to me yesterday, just ordinary seashells but they will be of great sentiment to me as they are the first gift he has ever "found"  for me himself.

Here are some pictures I am sharing with you:-

It is a very serious job opening presents.

This just gets better and better.

Shouldn't there be water in here?

Lovely candle, now, what should I wish for?

All the time this was going on, Daniel was enjoying himself with a new friend.  Well, not exactly new.  We bought the lamb when our late Pip was a puppy really to use as a prop for some photographs but Pip loved it and used to cuddle up to it (it has been washed since then).  So, we have had it a very long time.  Mike has been cleaning out the loft - well starting to clean it.  There is so much stuff up there.  We moved here from a much bigger property and kept as much as we could as we never knew if we would move again (we would if we could).  As another home purchase now is extremely unlikely not to say impossible, we thought it was high time a clearance was made.  Mike came across "Pip's" lamb and Daniel took to it straight away as you can see

He loved cuddling it and ringing the bell around its neck whilst he snuggled up with Daddy. 

Talking of Daniel, I would ask you all to send out loving thoughts for him and good wishes.  He has had a lot a health problems over the last few months which I have not written about on my journal.  The doctor decided that he needs to see a specialist and a hospital appointment has come through for him for this coming Thursday morning. We are all praying that his problems can be identified and sorted out quickly.  He will most certainly need blood tests to start with and this is not a pleasant experience for a baby. God bless him.

I have not been doing much lately - too hot.  I have been reading quite a lot and have sold several books (from the loft clearance) online.  Watering the garden seems endless.  Our lavendar is in full bloom at the moment in the front garden and the smell is wonderful

It is a shame though.  Normally the lavendar would be swarming with bees.  This year we have only seen about three.  The long winter and bad spring seems to have decimated them.  Likewise, butterflies.  We have not seen a single one in the garden this summer.  We even put up a butterfly "house"  You put in a mixture of sugar and water and it comes supplied with butterfly attractant which they are supposed to be unable to resist.  Nothing.  Such a pity, I love to see the butterflies flitting from flower to flower.  No ladybirds either.  The changing climate is most certainly affecting the insect population.

I am going to try and visit as many of your journals as possible this weekend.  However, I am not going to push things and as I have written before, it gets very hot where my computer is. When it gets unbearable, I retire to the bedroom where it is much cooler.  Also I want to watch the England match this afternoon.

So, taking all that into account, I am off to put some washing in the machine and have a tidy up whilst it is still relatively cool.

Have a lovely weekend everyone