Friendship And Loss

Still undecided as to whether I wish to continue this journal on a regular basis.

I have been very very down this week.  I lost a dear friend. Her name was Elaine. She was taken ill a little over eighteen months ago, underwent drastic surgery which was successful.   Although the operation removed everything  Elaine then unfortunately  lapsed into a coma.  Over the months she fought back regaining some movement and being able to communicate a little with people. Her husband visited on a daily basis and read to her, all the little messages from her internet friends. We were all hopeful, then she was gone.

What was special about Elaine?  Well, everybody is special, to their partners, their families.  Elaine was special to me  because she and I had never met.  She was an internet friend.  We met in a games room.  She was great fun and full of life.  From there all the people that played that game formed their own site and we exchanged daily messages, e-mails etc, you probably know the type of thing.  Eventually the games site closed but we remained on our other site until some newcomers spoiled it and a lot of people left.  I left myself for over a year and only rejoined this year, glad to still see some of the old faces, sorry to see others gone.

In the last two months, this is my second friend who has passed away.  I have been feeling so sad, not only over Elaine but over internet friends in general.  People who come into your life, people you get very close to, people you come to count on as friends even though you have never met and probably never will meet.  Then they are gone.  They leave your life and your world often without a goodbye. It has happened right here on journals.  It is hurtful, it hurts me.

Maybe I give my friendship too easily, maybe I am too sensitive for my own good.  But when someone comes into my life offering to share themselves, share their life, I accept them into mine .  I assume they will always be there.  Over the years I have been let down many many times by people I loved and trusted. Just recently I have been hurt again, not just by the death of my friends but the "loss" of others for no apparent reason.

 Elaine, despite her adversities, despite her suffering, remained faithful until the end. What a better world it would beif everyone could be as loyal as her.

I know as one door closes, another opens, there are many caring and true people out there.  Like I said, I have been feeling very down. As I get older and older I hear more and more about deaths of relatives and friends and it is once more approaching the anniversary of my brother's passing.

So I do want those of you who have stuck with my journal to know how much your steadfastness and friendship means to me.   I hope to be back, maybe when the sun peeps out again from behind the dark clouds that have descended.

To dear Elaine and Ivan I can only say thank you for your wonderful friendship. I shall always remember you.  I shall always miss you. Rest in peace, dear friends and thank you so much for all those good times and all the joy.