BC AND ME - UPDATE

I said I would share my journey so I have decided to update you today with all the recent goings on.  When I went for radiotherapy last Friday, athough I managed it, it was the hardest trip I had made to the hospital.  My anxiety levels have rocketed.  I cried going there, I cried in the radiotherapy room.  The nurse asked why and I told her how my anxiety had seemed to increase greatly, how much harder the journey was when I had been getting used to it, the continual night sweats, feeling hot all the time.  She immediately said it was hormonal due to the Tamoxifen and I needed to see my oncologist to let her know what was going on.  You will remember that I was not best pleased with my oncologist on the first occasion I ever met her, how little time she gave me etc. etc.

So, last Friday the nurse booked me in to see the oncologist today.  You can imagine that my weekend was not exactly relaxing.  Not only did I have the memory of Friday and all the tears and panic from then hanging over my head, now I faced a double appointment today and one with the oncologist!

I am glad to say that I did do the journey this afternoon even though I felt rough and that I did not cry.  I sat calmly in the waiting room chatting to two very nice ladies who were both having the same treatment as me, although one had had chemotherapy and the other was not taking any medication at all.  I was soon called in and luckily I did not cry as soon as I got in the room.  I did have a moment of panic halfway through the treatment but I told the radiographer and she told me to take some deep breaths before they continued, only one more dose on the other side of the breast and I was finished.  So that went o.k.

Then I had to go to a different part of the hospital to wait to see Dr. R. my oncologist.  It was packed.  When I looked at the condition of some of the patients, I felt ashamed at how anxious I am and get.  Anyway, by a stroke of luck my friend Joanne was there (we met in the hospital) so I was able to have a natterwith her to pass the time.  Then I was called.  Whew, what a relief.  Dr. R. was very nice this time, I must have got her on a bad day last time. 

She immediately agreed it was my hormones causing the rise in my anxiety levels.  She said it does take time and it varies greatly from patient to patient before the body settles down and accepts it.  Both Mike and Becky told her how much worse I had been since starting them.  So she discussed it fully.  She has asked me to keep on them (the Tamoxifen) for at least another week or two because she still feels that overall it is the best drug for me.  She said that if I insisted then she would be prepared to switch medication..........but...... the other tablet they use causes joint pain and she knows that I have arthritis in my neck, shoulder, badly in my lower back and to a lesser extent in my knees.  Worse than that, it causes osteoporosis and she has had patients develop osteoporosis during their treatment. It would also mean going for regular bone density scans.  She feels that I have enough problems with my diabetes, high blood pressure, agoraphobia, general anxiety and cancer treatment without having to shoulder osteoporosis and all that goes with it.

Although she can be brusque, I have been told by many many people, patients, nurses, radiographers that she is the top of her field, she has so many letters after her name you would not believe.  That she is highly regarded in the medical profession and knows exactly what she is doing.  Who am I to argue with somebody like that?  If she feels I should give it longer, then I shall give it longer and hope that my body does adjust and as quickly as possible. I have a cousin with osteoporosis and I have lost count of the number of times she has broken bones in all parts of her body.  Tamoxifen, on the other hand strengthens bone. Dr. R. also suggested taking the Tamoxifen in the morning rather than at night.  That might help with the night sweats and allow me to sleep better because lack of sleep is wearing me out.

Dr. R. also answered other questions I had about radiotheraphy, about breast shrinkage.  If there is a lot of shrinkage then I do not need to resort to tissues, the hospital will supply me with a cup to wearinside my bra.  She also agreed to my using Aloe Vera Gel if I found it more beneficial. 

She also said that with my agoraphobia, the whole team were worried that I would not turn up at all for my appointments, so I am doing very well in the circumstances with the added side-effects of the tablets and I should congratulate myself on that.  Well, I think it is still early days, I will wait to congratulate myself in another couple of weeks.

So, that is today's double appointment behind me.  I have another one tomorrow. Morning this time, the first one being radiotherapy and the second going back on the simulator.  Apparently at the moment they are treating the whole breast but I need to have eight booster sessions where the cancer actually was, including the one that was on the outside of my breast.  So they need to re-check all the calculations to make certain they get the right spot and no errors are made.

Like I said, it is not easy getting there now with my hormones all over the place and my anxiety levels up.  Such a shame because I had started to do the journey quite well.

I know you will continue to pray that I will adapt to the Tamoxifen and the side effects will lessen because I do not even want to think of that alternative drug now.

On a lighter note, does anyone know why the wind drives cats and kittens bonkers?  We have had high winds for the last couple of days and Leo has been dashing from room to room like a thing possessed, back and forth, back and forth and being really naughty as well, hanging on the curtains, running up our legs with his claws out - ouch! and chewing everything in site.  When the wind drops he is his usual placid self.

I cannot believe it is a quarter to six.  I hate afternoon appointments because it seems in no time you are back on your way to the hospital hardly having had time to draw breath.  Still every appointment is one less. Soldier on, Jeannette, soldier on.

Now I am off to eat, watch the news and relax.  Oh, I have turned alerts off.  This is a heavy week for me and by Friday I have been told the tiredness from radiotherapy will probably start to kick in.  I know you will understand and that you know that as soon as I am able, I will be back reading and commenting on your journals.

God bless you all.  I know you will keep the prayers and good wishes coming.  Knowing you are all behind me is such a great help.

Love