Breakthrough

A year ago, my family tree research seemed to have  come to a grinding halt.  It looked as if I had gone as far as I could go.  There were several dead ends that were very frustrating and one in particular.

I was never able to trace the birth of my Grandfather although I knew the entire story of his life apart from that.  Many documents were destroyed when Portsmouth was heavily bombed during WW2.  We knew he had a sister, Mary and I could find no trace of a birth for her either.

What I did not know until about four years ago was that Grandfather also had a brother.  I found out about this in a very roundabout way.  I was researching his half-brothers and their families.  On receiving the death certificate of one of the wives I was startled to see my family name appear as being "present at the death" and giving the relationship as brother-in-law. Alas, there was only an initial and not a full christian name. That is the first I knew of Grandfather even having a brother.

With only his initial to go on there was nothing I could do.  I suspected he was also a soldier due to the area the death took place and the fact that all the men in my family seem to have been in the army.   Without a name or a regiment it was impossible to go any further. So, that is where is was all left a year ago.  It seemed I had no avenues left to explore.

Over the weekend, to take my mind off Flicky, I decided to try the census records again.  The 1871 and 1891 census records have now become available online.  So I decided to trace my Grandfather back earlier and used the 1871 census.  He was listed as being in Dover, Kent along with a brother, two years younger.  I noted the name was Robert.  Then I went onto the 1891 census and checked again.  By a stroke of luck, the two brothers were together then so both appeared on the census but the name given was Richard!!!  However, it did give his age, the fact he was unmarried, that he was a sergeant and even gave the name of the regiment.

I have contacted a military researcher who is going to search for his army papers for me.  This is a long shot.I have been both lucky and unlucky with army papers in the past, some have survived and some have not.  I am just hoping that Robert/Richard's papers have survived because, if so, I could get a lot more information.  I am so hoping.

I also found out why I could not trace the birth of their sister, Mary in Portsmouth - because she was born in Ireland - proving that when my great-grandfather's regiment returned from Bermuda in 1859 the regiment were sent to Dublin.  It is likely that great-grandfather married there which is why we could never trace a marriage record either. I was also able to establish that Mary, who herself married a soldier, had eventually settled back in Northumberland where her husband originated from and that she had several other children!

I had put various messages on boards asking for family information, including Mike's family.  I was contacted by somebody who is a close relation to his aunt and have been given the family history of her line going back to 1835. (This in the very outback of Australia - Mike's aunt never saw a train until she was sixteen!). 

Just last night I was contacted by a relative of my sister-in-law who is going to send me information and photographs to pass on.

I have always advised people who come to dead ends on research never to give up.  After a year of nothing, suddenly information has rolled in yet again and this has happened to me more than once.  New data is coming online every day.  So even checking a few months later could reap results.

So now my fingers are firmly crossed that the army papers of my great-uncle have survived and that I will receive them in the post within the week.  If they have not, well at least I now know where and when he was born, that he was either Robert or Richard and what regiment he was in.  He has rightly taken his place on my family tree and is no longer forgotten and unknown.  He completes that line of the family.

RainyTuesday

 

It may be pouring outside and has been since last night, but at least we had some good news.  Pip's blood results came through and no problems were found.  He started Steroid treatment this morning.  He was not happy at visiting the vet again for the fourth time in a week!

Our vet tells us that he has had very good results with Steroid treatment and it usually has a beneficial effect.  Only occasionally has he come across an animal that does not respond, but it is possible.  So, Pip has had his first injection and we have been told it can take up to twenty-four hours to kick in.  We are hoping it does the trick because we have been asked to telephone the vet on Friday morning with a progress report.  If no improvement is apparent then we will all have to think again. So, please keep Pip in your thoughts.

We had a sad weekend as you all know and it was so hard having to bury Flicky.  We have come to terms with it now except for the silence in the house.  As I said in my previous entry, she was very vocal and always made her presence felt.  The dogs have both been very quiet as well and even our other cat is not himself so I do think they know that Flicky has gone.

I decided that with the coming of Spring (although you would not know it by the weather) to re-decorate the bedroom.  I felt like a change (big sigh from Mike) so he is in there now making a start and I shall help where I can. I have decided on a colour we have never used before - pale lilac -  and the paintwork will remain very pale apple green.  The new curtains and bedding arrived yesterday.  Nice to have a change.  If we do not like it when finished we can always get a big tin of Magnolia emulsion and go over it.  The only horrible thing is the smell of paint as with this rain and chill we cannot have the doors or windows open.

There was a bit of sun over the Easter weekend so Nathan got a chance to wear his new sunhat although he does yank it off at every opportunity

 

Well, I had best away and make the worker a cup of tea.  I think he has earned one.  Have a good day everyone.

 

Goodbye, Old Friend

In memory of our dear friend and companion of twenty-four years, Flicky, who passed away quietly in her sleep at 8 p.m. this evening.

This picture of her was taken last summer and it was hard to believe then that she was 24.  We acquired Flicky and another cat, who died several years ago, on the same day. We went to the Cats Protection League to see if we could give a kitten a home.  We had settled on the first cat when somebody brought in this tiny Tabby.  She had been found in a plastic bag of dead kittens and she was the only one who had somehow clung to life.  Naturally, we could not leave her when we saw her - so home she came with us.

At the age of two she was run over by a neighbour (Flicky was on the pavement at the time and the neighbour lost control of her car).  She suffered horrific injuries but I refused to give up and weeks of nursing did the trick.  She had a plastic hip but up until yesterday was still leaping high on to her favourite place, beside our boiler.  She still tore down the garden at a remarkable pace as well.

She had her dinner last night but when she looked at me I saw, for the first time, how the light seemed to have faded from her eyes and I knew the approaching sign, having kept animals all my life.

I am so glad today was warm and sunny. She went into our sunlounge and curled up in her favourite spot.  She never left it.  She slept on, scarcely breathing, could take no food and water but she was warm and secure in her own home.  As it got dark, I covered her with a blanket and she managed to look at me with sunken eyes as if to thank me.  I kept checking on her of course and found just after 8 p.m. that her little soul had left her body.

I cannot tell you how we will miss her.  When we came here we had five cats, now we are down to just one and it is going to be very strange for him without her.  She was very vocal and always mewed at you whenever you walked by her.  She was a plucky little thing, always undersized, she defied the vets prediction of not living as long as most cats,  moved house with us several times and grew up with Becky.  You cannot have a pet in your house for nearly a quarter of a century without them leaving a big hole.  It is hard for me to type this with tears pouring down my face.

She had a favourite place in one of our flower beds where she would lie for hours in the summer.  We have placed her in a box and tomorrow Mike will dig her grave.  She will  be laid to rest under a tree and amid the flowers she loved to pat at with her paw.  It is fitting that she remain here, in the home she loved.

Goodbye, sweet dear Flicky.  Goodbye lovely little lady. Boss and I will always miss you.  Thank you for all those long years of love.  If there is a heaven for cats, you are there now being re-united with Peanut, Muffin, Jasper and all the other cats you shared your life with in the past.

Sleep well our dear and gentle old friend. You deserve it. We will always love you and we will always remember.

Saturday Fun

 

Just a bit of fun for this Easter Saturday:-

 A lonely woman decided it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED. Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants must apply in person."  

On the second day of the ad, she heard the doorbell ring. Much to her dismay, when she opened  the door, there sat a man in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. She asked sardonically, "You're not expecting me to consider you, are you? Just look at you -- you have no legs!"   The man smiled, "Therefore, no chance to run around on you!"  

She snorted, "You have no arms either!"   Again the  man smiled, "So, neither can I beat you!"  

 The woman raised her eyebrows and gazed at him intensely. "Are you still good in bed?" she asked.   The man smirked and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"  

P.S. For those of us in the U.K. - do not forget the clocks go forward one hour tonight! 

  

 

Good Friday

Today let us take the time to reflect on the true meaning of Easter, sacrifice, love, forgiveness and resurrection.

                         

                     

May the blessings  and the love of the Lord be with you and yours not only at this time of Easter, but always.

                        

We Try To Avoid Stress but.......

Yes, my friends, we do try to avoid stress, particularly myself because I am repeatedly told by the doctors that stress is bad for me and my problems.  So, when I left the surgery on Tuesday afternoon feeling more relaxed about myself I was determined to be positive and look forward to a pleasant Easter.

Alas, fate had other plans.  On Tuesday night, our beautiful Border Collie, Pip, suddenly had trouble getting up after lying down sleeping.  We thought he had pulled a muscle or something.  For the rest of the evening he walked in circles, very restless and could not seem to lie down again.  We got worried.

We rang the vet first thing yesterday morning for an appointment but he could not be seen until 4.15p.m. yesterday.  We used our regular vet but they had a new person there, maybe efficient but very cold and formal.  She started totting up the bill before Mike could get a word in edgewise. She wanted Pip to have an x-ray and a blood test. Informed him that they have no x-ray machine there (they do) and that we would have to pay for him to be transported to their other surgery about seven miles away.  They wanted, just for the tests alone £313!!!!  No, we do not have insurance.  We took it out for animals in the past but never had to claim and the things that were needed regularly like annual boosters are not covered on pet insurance anyway.

Mike came home and discussed it with me.  I told him to get a second opinion so Mike took Pip to the other vet in our area, a one-man organisation.  He recommended the same thing, X-ray and blood test (yes, he did have an x-ray machine).  He proposed to charge less than half what the first vet quoted so we decided to go with him.

Pip was duly booked in for today.  On the way home Mike decided to get our occasional treat of fish and chips from the local shop.  He left Pip in the car and went into the establishment leaving his car keys in the ignition!!!!!!!!!  Pip leant against the lock button and Mike was left shut out of the car with no way of getting back in.  Yes, it sounds hilarious and if nothing else serious had been going on, it would have been, like a comedy film.  Mike appears home minus car and dog to get his spare set of keys and walked the fifteen minutes back to get the car.  I get a phone call, his spare set of keys do not work because they have not been programmed.  Could I phone Dean and get him to meet Mike at the fish shop.  By this time I was going spare and my blood pressure must have been sky high.  It was 8 p.m. and neither of us had eaten.  Eventually, around 8.35p.m. Mike arrives home with dog and car but minus a window which they had to remove in order to re-activate the car.  I was so pent up by then that Mike got a right ear bashing for leaving the keys in the car in the first place which, he calmly announced he has done on several occasions.  What is he like!!

Well, Pip was taken to the vet at 8.30a.m. today.  He had to be sedated for the x-ray and a blood test was duly taken.  The day seemed to drag by waiting until 2 p.m. when we could phone for news.  When we phoned the vet was not in and we were told that Mike could go there at 3p.m.

I waited, a bag of nerves, not knowing what to imagine.  Then the vet called me personally.  He said I have some good news and some bad news.  The good news he said was that the arthritis he suspected in Pip's hips was not as bad as he had feared.  Now, Pip is only nine so relatively still a young dog even for arthritis. All other dogs we have owned have lived for fifteen or sixteen years and only got sick in the last few months of their lives. Then I got the bad news, the x-ray showed that a large part of Pip's spine is fused together (Spondylitis).  Mr. D. explained it was nothing we had done, this is a hereditary condition and could not have been avoided.  I questioned why it had come on so suddenly and was told that it had been coming on for years but only now was it starting to affect the nerves in his spine.

I was told that it could be treated with Steroids IF the blood tests results come back showing no liver impairment but because it is Easter, the outcome of the tests will not be known until Tuesday or Wednesday.  If liver impairment is found then Steroids cannot be used and there is nothing that can be done to help Pip and this time next week, we might not have him.

I asked for aprognosis if Steroids are possible and was heartbroken to hear that, at most, Pip will have a year to eighteen months at the outside before his back legs fail and he is paralysed. The vet said that when that happens and there is no doubt that it eventually will, there is no option but to have him put to sleep. So, dear readers, either way, a sentence has been passed on him.

I cannot begin to tell you how Mike and I feel about this.  Pip is a dog in a million, a gentle giant without a fault.  He loves everyone, is wonderful with Nathan, loyal, intelligent.  Well, the list is endless.  We have to give him two painkillers per day until the blood tests are in.

This is going to be hanging over our heads now all over the Easter holiday.  Part of us will be hoping and praying, part of us will be dreading. We both feel like we have been punched.

I have mentioned before that this has been a dreadful year for us so far in several ways and with this latest blow it looks as if things are never going to improve.  I just pray that he can have treatment and we have at least one wonderful year left with him and we can make it the best for him and for us.

Those of you who are pet owners will understand what we are going through and how we feel right now.  Please spare a thought for Pip and wish him well.

We can but soldier on as we seem to reel from one crisis to another and keep praying.

Mike and I wish all of you a happy and blessed Easter.

Jokes for Wednesday

 

A couple of jokes to make you smile (only a bit of fun and not intended to offend anyone)

 

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two insects mating.

"Daddy, what are those two insects doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the insect on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.

“So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.


"Well, that might be OK in California and Oregon, but we're not having any of that shit in Texas.
 

************************************************

Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to Sean:

"You know, I've had every woman in this town, except of course, me mother and me sister."


"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

 

Tuesday

 

I could not resist using this beautiful graphic. I adore Tigers and also water.

Well, dear readers, I have just come back from the surgery after spending several days working myself into a real state about it. Did not have to see the lovely Dr. D today unless the diabetic nurse found any real problems. If she did then I would have been immediately sent in to see the good doctor.  Well, my blood tests all came back better than they had been for years, my urine tests also showed no sign of protein which can lead to potential damage.  I had the foot check and my feet are great according to the nurse, good strong pulses and no nerve damage.  I did ask if anything could be done about the feeling I get of wearing "socks" in bed and how hot my feet get but apparently this is something I have to live with.

My blood pressure is still a little on the high side (the lower figure) but I only started on the increased bp medication just under a week ago and the nurse explained that it could take a month for them to really have any strong effect.  However, she assured me that she did not consider me to be in any danger and to carry on the way I was.  She was delighted with my blood sugar readings over the last ten days.

As for the anxiety, well, as she explained at great length, it is only really me that can do anything about it.  Yes, they could fill me full of tablets but they feel that I am on enough medication as it is and that tablets in the end only mask the situation.  It is far better for me to come to terms with it myself .  Very hard when you are aware of your heart beating all the time.  However, this is a recent thing and she says it not caused by the blood pressure.  Blood pressure does not usually give any symptoms unless extremely seriously high and then you can get headaches and feel very unwell.  She said that I have become so "insular" with my mind concentrated on my illnesses all the time and that is the real problem. She says I must stay occupied and just ignore the fact that I am conscious of my heart beating all the time and one day I will cease to notice it. 

We discussed what had happened to me this year, two bugs, one untreated infection, Mike losing his job in a very nasty way and now having to worry about managing from month to month, the sudden and very unexpected death of a dear friend etc. etc. etc.  All this has combined to make me fearful and afraid.

So, please continue to pray for me.  This is not going to be easy dealing with fear and trying to ignore it, one of the hardest things there is.  Also I am so easily put back by a bad day and find it so hard to pick myself up from a bad day.  I have dug out a book I have had many years "Self Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes.  She gives very sound advice but she does say it takes time and patience and not to be discouraged by failure.  I am afraid I do get discouraged very easily and have always been an impatient person.  I want to get better and I want it now!

However, as nurse Kim explained - I did not get into this state overnight, it took many weeks if not months and I have to be prepared to just soldier on and try and do what I have been told and eventually I will see an improvement.

So, that is about all my news.  The frogs are spawning in the pond although our Koi will probably eat all the spawn. Nathan has at last cut a tooth.  He loves to sing now and if you sing to him he joins in lustily. Quite a few buds on the trees, I can hardly wait for the leaves to start opening, I love them so when they are fresh with that new green.

Hope you all have a wonderful week. God bless you all and thank you so much for all the support you have given to me which has meant so much. I am sure you will continue to support me and send out your prayers and good thoughts.

I have to go back to the surgery in one month's time (unless there are any problems in the meantime which , obviously, I hope there are not).  I am planning for there to be a big improvement in myself all round by then, God willing.

wow! Just seen I have passed my 10,000th hit - Hurrah. Now, I am wondering who it was that made that magic figure. If it was you, please own up and let me know.

 

Can Spring Be Here?

Today is the first day this year we have been able to keep our back door open.  Had a walk around the garden and it is so nice to see the Daffs coming up and some are even blooming.  One of our trees sadly died over the winter so that will have to be chopped down.

We put the rabbits into our summerhouse for the winter but decided today that they can come outside again.  Also, that way we can get to use the summerhouse ourselves!  So, I have been helping Mike here and there doing the cleaning up whilst he moved the hutches back outside.

We had a nice day yesterday as the family were over. Nathan is already trying to pull himself upright.

I have decided, for the foreseeable future, only to do one or two journal entries per week and not every day as I did up until recently.  I must admit, I was spending far too long on the computer, hours each and every day and was not getting any exercise.  I am sure this is what contributed to putting my blood sugars up.  As I have been doing more the last few days instead of sitting on here, they have dropped a lot and are mostly within the acceptable range now.  Also, being more active will help my blood pressure.

Apart from that, I have also started making a rug for Nathan's room, Winnie the Pooh and friends.  I used to make all our rugs years ago (we are still using some of them) and I find it very relaxing and there is something positive and lasting to show at the end of it.  Then, of course, if the weather continues to improve and we get no more arctic blasts, it will be time to get in the garden and do some much needed tidying up.

I never realized until I saw the doctor last week and she asked me how much exercise I get, how much journals had taken over my life.  If I was not doing entries, I was reading other peoples or searching for graphics or researching information about an entry.  You all know what it is like, you think you will go on for a few minutes and then suddenly it is hours later.

So, I am not giving up my journal but will certainly not be doing it every day.  I have to take care of my health and for me, that has to be the priority at the moment. You all know my problems in getting out and I have a doctor's appointment next week for bp check and also foot check. I also have to book with the optician, the chiropodist etc. etc. so being out in the garden is helping to boost my confidence.  I know that you will all continue to pray for me.  I am sure it is the power of prayer that has got me this far and seen an improvement.  However, I still have a long way to go.

Well, not much else to write about today. Just off to have lunch and then back out into the garden.  Lovely to get some fresh air and to hear the birds singing.

 

Update

Well, so much has happened today since my previous entry.  I was exhausted and fell asleep for three hours.

As you know I had got nowhere with previous attempts to get help.  Thanks to advice to phone NHS Direct, things changed.  Firstly I spoke to a very nice male nurse called Andrew who asked me lots and lots of questions.  He then assessed me and said, in his opinion, I needed to be seen by a doctor today.  We told him we had tried but to no avail.  He spoke to Mike and told him to go back down to the surgery and tell them that I had been assessed by him and he stated I need to see a doctor.  He told Mike that if that got him nowhere, then to demand to see the practice manager and put in a formal complaint.  If the practice manager was not helpful then to threaten them with taking this matter to the medical authorities.

Poor Mike, he has done such a lot of running around, but off he set again.  He was gone sometime when the phone rang.  A female voice asked my name and I told her.  She introduced herself as Dr. D and she spoke to me on the telephone as though I was a human being.  She told me she understood anxiety and agoraphobia completely and that if I could find the courage within myself to go down there she would be waiting for me, I could go straight into her room and not have to sit in the waiting room.  She talked to me for fifteen minutes encouraging me and I found myself agreeing.  So Mike returned and on legs of jelly I was able to make it to the surgery.  How I walked from the car park to the inside of the building I will never know.  I was shaking and my legs were like rubber, I felt as if I were in a complete dream!

I got into Dr. D's room shaking and crying and she was so kind.  A  small, middle-aged woman from South Africa.  She let me calm down a little and took my pulse and she agreed it was racing alarmingly.  I spent around 50 minutes with her and she regularly checked my pulse and eventually it did settle down to an almost normal level.  She assured me that this is anxiety and that although it is very unpleasant, it is not likely to kill me.

We moved on to how I felt in general.  I told her this had all started after I had the flu and I still felt I had an infection all the time.  She listened to my heart and paid particular attention to my lungs, felt my glands etc. and said she was not surprised because I have a chest infection that is probably also in my head.  She prescribed anti-biotics immediately which I have to start later tonight.  She took my blood pressure and said, yes it is high so she increased one of my medications by 4mg.  She is not going to do anything with my Diabetic medication at this time as she wants to see what difference there is in my body when this infection has gone.

So, for the moment, a slight increase in blood pressure medication (which might have to be reviewed and something different prescribed) and anti-biotics.  She read all through my computer records whilst I was there.  She was appalled that I have had no blood tests, no urine tests, no appointment with the chiropodist, no foot check at the surgery.  She told me that the surgery had failed me abysmally!!!!!

When I told her that Dr. R had probably not authorised blood tests probably because he knew I could not get to the blood testing clinic to have them, she said that was unacceptable.  She then asked Mike if he could get to the local hospital blood department by the time they closed.  Mike said he could, so Dr. D took my blood herself there and then, no fuss, no complaint, no "we do not do this here".  So my blood is already at the hospital.  I have to collect urine samples for the next three mornings and Mike will take them to the surgery for collection by the hospital courier on Friday.

She gave me a hug, she said she was so pleased and proud that I had made it down there.  She promised me she will get my blood pressure and blood sugar under control and then she said when that is sorted out, she wants to work on my anxiety and my agoraphobia.

It is a very long time since I encountered a doctor who really cared.  So, my friends, maybe I have turned the corner.  Your prayers all seem to have worked if not in the way I expected.  But they do say that God acts in mysterious ways.

How do I feel tonight, relieved somewhat although I still havethe anxiety which hasbeen building for weeks, very tired, exhausted in fact and aching all over from tension.  Also I have chronic heartburn.  Just like my mother when she was really stressed, it appears to have gone to my stomach .  Anyone know a good cure for heartburn, one diabetics can take?  I am a little worried about that now because I have only had this  during the last couple of days and only, it seems, in the evenings and it is extremely unpleasant.  Had I had it when I was at the surgery I would have mentioned it, but it only came on after I had eaten tonight just as it did last night.  I had not had it all day.  Oh well, stress can do all sorts of funny things.

I know that antibiotics can put your blood levels up so Dr. D had advised me not to test my blood for the next couple of days and give myself a rest and a break unless I feel really unwell. She assured me that although the blood glucose levels are much higher than they would like they are not at danger point and when she saw my sore fingers from repeatedly taking tests......... stop she said, enough. Give yourself a break from it.

So, we hope the antibiotics work, we hope the heartburn goes away, we hope I have turned the corner. Dr. D. asked me if I would like to stay under her in the future and naturally I have agreed, I would be a fool not to.  She even said that if necessary she would see me after hours so that I need not wait around.  I told her I have no confidence in the other doctors, I spoke frankly, especially when she proved on the computer that the doctor I normally see had lied about the results of one of my tests!!!  Unbelievable isn't it.  Well, I shall not take that any further angry though I am.  I do not want to get Dr. D into trouble. She was wonderful with me, so caring, gave so much of her time and gave me hope for the future.

To sum up, I am still going to feel rough for a couple of days until the infection is under control.  She said if I want to sleep then sleep, not to overdo anything, try to relax as much as possible and see how I go on the increased blood pressure medication. I have to go back for another bp reading in two weeks time.

Thank you once again for all your encouragement, yourprayers, your phone calls.  I have said it before but it bears repeating, you are the best there is.  I thought of all of you when travelling down there and knew you were all with me.

Let us hope I feel much better soon. I had to use this graphic siggie because it represents your prayers for me.  My love and gratitude to you all.

 

 

Bitterly Disappointed

I feel I have to update you all because you have given me so much backing, love and support.

Well, the diabetic nurse at the Diabetic Centre of our hospital was no help at all.  She said that as I am not an "in" patient at the hospital she cannot either increase my medication or give me any advice.  She told me I had to see my doctor.  I explained my difficulties and that we had already been in touch with our surgery who absolutely refuse to do a home visit.  She said, that is their choice and she cannot interfere with the way they run their practice. She did agree that my blood sugars are way to high but of course, did not know whether this is due to elevated blood pressure or an infection after the flu which I have never really got over and still bringing up unpleasant stuff from my chest now and then and always from my nose. I explained I had told the surgery some weeks back that I thought I had an infection but they refused me anti-biotics. She did say there must be some underlying cause why my blood sugars have shot up.

I asked her what do other agorapohibic diabetics do?  Are they just left to rot?  I got absolutely nowhere with her so Mike tried, she just listened to what he had to say and then said "she will have to see her GP, I cannot help you" and rang off.

So, Mike immediately went down to the surgery and told them that the Diabetic centre nurse had said that because of my elevated blood sugars I had to see a doctor and as quickly as possible.  Once again a home visit was refused.  Whilst he was there, the surgery rang me at home.  The woman was exceptionally rude to me, spoke to me like I was a five year old child and wanted to know my blood sugars for the last three days.  I gave them to her. She told me to hang on whilst she spoke to their Diabetic nurse.  A couple of minutes later she returned.  All she said to me was "right I am dealing with your husband, he can tell you when he gets home" She put the phone down on me before I could even reply.

The upshot is that they are prepared to see me tomorrow morning if  I can get down to the surgery and only if I can get to the surgery.  If not then they are going to leave me to it.

But the worst thing of all was that then they would not even give Mike anappointment for tomorrow.  Even though the Hospital Diabetic nurse said it was imperative I saw my GP.  No, he has to go down and queue for an appointment at 7.30 a.m. in the morning.

So, my anxiety levels are even worse today.  I have no set appointment, we hope that Mike can get one in the morning, then I have to dose myself up with tranquilisers even to attempt to get there.  As I suffer , and always have, from white coat syndrome, my blood pressure reading will not be accurate anyway and my GP is not good with Diabetic medication.  Will he know which one to increase?  I feel like I am living in a madhouse.

So, the National Health Service is safe in government hands. Really?  On the rare occasions I have had to phone the Diabetic department in the past, they have been most helpful, not any more.  I used to have a surgery that cared a few years back. Not any more.

It is frightening to be ill these days especially if you live in the South East of England.  It is even more frightening when you suffer from Agoraphobia and getting out is practically impossible and you are treated as a "difficult" patient who does not co-operate.

If I do make it there tomorrow I shall be in a state, of that there is no doubt.  How do they then expect to get a true blood pressure reading.  If I walk in the door crying or they can see I have been crying then "nerves" will be the first thing on the doctor's mind.  The fact that I have two serious and potentially life-threatening medical conditions seems secondary to them.  Do they not understand that if my blood pressure and blood sugars were under control then I would not be in a state of nerves and anxiety.  It is them going out of control that is causing this problem. My Diabetes and blood pressure should be the priority with them.  They are not.

Why cannot they treat the disease and see past the anxiety tag.  I am not hopeful for tomorrow right now.  I shall do my best, I always do try my hardest.  I hope it works out, if not............well the if not does not bear thinking about.

I had such high hopes for today, they have been dashed. We can only hope that Mike gets an appointment tomorrow and that somehow I will find the strength to get there.  The GP that is on tomorrow is a bit of a panic merchant and likes to send everyone to the hospital if he feels he cannot find an answer.  It is going to take every ounce of my strength, guts and determination to even get to this appointment. I could not face the hospital, I truly could not.

So, I can only hope that the prayers you have all offered up for me are still answered and that I will get somewhere with the surgery tomorrow. I have to hope, without hope there is nothing.

 

 

Your loving words

I would just like to send my thanks to you for the wonderful messages you have left for me today. It means such a lot to know that people out there really do care.  I am somewhat calmer now although, of course, I shall be uptight in the morning waiting for the Diabetic nurse to phone from the hospital and desperately hoping she can come up with something.  I must give her a chance.

This graphic, kindly sent by a good friend, is for all of you.  It says love you friend and that should be friends. I love each and everyone of you and I know that you are thinking of me and wishing me well. Fingers crossed that I will soon be back to the old happy Jeannette with everything under control.

                

So, thank you once again.  Mike and I have both been touched by your messages.

On a lighter note, I see that my counter is creeping up towards the 10,000th hit.  There was me thinking I could never possibly get to 100 originally!  I wonder which one of you it is going to be?!

Anyway, I am off to bed now.  Hoping to get some sleep, I am going to listen to a relaxation tape.  I will let you know how I get on and I do hope it will be good news.

 

 

Needing Good Thoughts

I am asking all my journal friends to send out good thoughts for me and for those who believe in a greater power - prayers.

I have never used my journal to talk about my health much. I have used it mostly to turn out from myself and put my mind on other things. However, I am going through real problems at the moment and wanted to share with you.

My blood sugar levels have gone out of control this last few days for no apparent reason.  They are high in the morning although they do reduce during the day into acceptable figures in the evenings.  However, in the last five days I have experienced "hypos" twice.  I only ever had one of these in the early days of my diabetes.  I experienced one last night and it scared me so badly I was frightened to go to sleep, yes, at my age, frightened to go to sleep.

Most of you know that I have problems in getting out, well the truth is, I do not go out.  I had a period last year when things improved but then it all fell apart again.  This year I have suffered from a stomach bug and then got the flu very badly which can often affect blood sugars for some weeks.  Also I lost a dear friend very suddenly a week ago which shook me up. All these things have re-inforced my fears and the thought of even leaving the house makes me shake.

Anyway on Friday Mike tried to get me a home visit from our surgery.  I wanted this because in 2003 when my blood sugars went out of control, they found it was due to the fact that my blood pressure had gone sky high.  Mike and I were afraid this has happened again as the specialist I saw at the time said it could.  He could offer no explanation except that in some people it can and does happen.  The surgery flatly refused to come out to me.  After last night's "hypo" when I was so very frightened, we tried again for a home visit.  No.

So, I telephoned the Diabetic Centre at my local hospital, only to be told that no Diabetic nurses were available to give advice on Mondays!  Can you believe that, the one hospital we have covering a vast area, diabetes on the increase and no nurses available!!!!  However, I spoke to a very sympatheticlady who completely understood my situation.  She could hear that I was very distressed (I still am) and she is passing on all I told her to the diabetic nurse tomorrow and getting her to ring me.  However, she has already told me that although this diabetic nurse does work in the community, she is only allowed to visit insulin dependent diabetics and not people like me who are on tablets.  So, whether I will get the help I need, I do not know.  This is why I am asking you all for your good thoughts and your prayers.  If they cannot help me then I just do not know what the hell I am going to do. 

I feel I have absolutely no back-up, that nobody gives a damn.  I cannot get to my surgery, they will not come to me, I cannot get to the hospital and it looks as though their Diabetic nurse will not be able to come to me.  My one hope is that the hospital nurse can contact my surgery and maybe they will listen to her.

The stress on me at the moment is awful, my heart is racing all the time, my hands are sweating, I am on the verge of panic attacks all the time. Mike is beside himself as to know what to do. I have the awful feeling that something terrible is hanging over my head.  I just cannot shake it.

I always try to keep bright and keep going but this is really knocking me for six.  I know I should not think ahead but I am already worrying about what I do tomorrow if the Diabetic Centre cannot or will not help me either.  Why, in this day and age is agoraphobia still not taken seriously?  Why do the doctors assume that you are an attention seeker, that you could get there if you really wanted to.  They do not know how hard it is for me even to walk to my front gate.

So, my dear readers and friends, I am very very scared at the moment and that is the honest truth.  I cannot seem to put my mind on anything else.  I am watching myself all the time and this is only making matters worse.

I am sorry but I just cannot visit your journals today, I am far too tense and uptight and hoping so very much that tomorrow will somehow bring about the help that I need.

I have tried to getmyself help and not ignore the situation. There is nothing more that I can do now.  I have to wait and see what tomorrow brings and whether any help is forthcoming.  It is going to be a long day and night.

Please think of me.

 

 

 

Mother's Day

         

Wishing all Mothers in the U.K. a very happy Mother's Day.  I hope you all have a happy time and that you put your feet up, have a rest, and let your families spoil you!

One boy and his dog(s)

When Nathan arrived we were concerned about our dogs.  Pip and Jester (Jesse) had never had anything to do with babies or young children. Pip was nine and Jess four when Nathan was born.  We need not have worried. He adores them and they feel the same way about him. 

They will stay quietly whilst Nathan bangs them on the head, pulls their ears, pokes his finger in their eyes and in the case of Jesse, continually pulls on his nose.  Jesse brings him toys to play with which we hastily have to grab for hygienic reasons.

It is wonderful when children and animals can grow up together.  Children should be taught respect for animals right from the start as well as respect for human beings.  Nathan has a cat at home called Kizzy so he is used to our cats as well.  So far he has shown no fear and he is also fascinated in watching the fish.

Pip has amazed us the most.  As you can see from the pictures, he is enormous compared with Nathan.  Nathan loves it when when put him on Pip's back and walk Pip around the room.  He (Pip) really does look as big as a pony compared with an eight month old child.

Border Collies are such wonderful dogs in so many ways but the way they have taken to Nathan has truly staggered us.  There is only a little bit of Jesse in these photos, he had gone to lie down as Nathan had already worn him out!

We had some snow again this morning but it has turned to rain now and everywhere is like a swamp. They are predicting a drought in the South East this year!