Tuesday

 

I could not resist using this beautiful graphic. I adore Tigers and also water.

Well, dear readers, I have just come back from the surgery after spending several days working myself into a real state about it. Did not have to see the lovely Dr. D today unless the diabetic nurse found any real problems. If she did then I would have been immediately sent in to see the good doctor.  Well, my blood tests all came back better than they had been for years, my urine tests also showed no sign of protein which can lead to potential damage.  I had the foot check and my feet are great according to the nurse, good strong pulses and no nerve damage.  I did ask if anything could be done about the feeling I get of wearing "socks" in bed and how hot my feet get but apparently this is something I have to live with.

My blood pressure is still a little on the high side (the lower figure) but I only started on the increased bp medication just under a week ago and the nurse explained that it could take a month for them to really have any strong effect.  However, she assured me that she did not consider me to be in any danger and to carry on the way I was.  She was delighted with my blood sugar readings over the last ten days.

As for the anxiety, well, as she explained at great length, it is only really me that can do anything about it.  Yes, they could fill me full of tablets but they feel that I am on enough medication as it is and that tablets in the end only mask the situation.  It is far better for me to come to terms with it myself .  Very hard when you are aware of your heart beating all the time.  However, this is a recent thing and she says it not caused by the blood pressure.  Blood pressure does not usually give any symptoms unless extremely seriously high and then you can get headaches and feel very unwell.  She said that I have become so "insular" with my mind concentrated on my illnesses all the time and that is the real problem. She says I must stay occupied and just ignore the fact that I am conscious of my heart beating all the time and one day I will cease to notice it. 

We discussed what had happened to me this year, two bugs, one untreated infection, Mike losing his job in a very nasty way and now having to worry about managing from month to month, the sudden and very unexpected death of a dear friend etc. etc. etc.  All this has combined to make me fearful and afraid.

So, please continue to pray for me.  This is not going to be easy dealing with fear and trying to ignore it, one of the hardest things there is.  Also I am so easily put back by a bad day and find it so hard to pick myself up from a bad day.  I have dug out a book I have had many years "Self Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes.  She gives very sound advice but she does say it takes time and patience and not to be discouraged by failure.  I am afraid I do get discouraged very easily and have always been an impatient person.  I want to get better and I want it now!

However, as nurse Kim explained - I did not get into this state overnight, it took many weeks if not months and I have to be prepared to just soldier on and try and do what I have been told and eventually I will see an improvement.

So, that is about all my news.  The frogs are spawning in the pond although our Koi will probably eat all the spawn. Nathan has at last cut a tooth.  He loves to sing now and if you sing to him he joins in lustily. Quite a few buds on the trees, I can hardly wait for the leaves to start opening, I love them so when they are fresh with that new green.

Hope you all have a wonderful week. God bless you all and thank you so much for all the support you have given to me which has meant so much. I am sure you will continue to support me and send out your prayers and good thoughts.

I have to go back to the surgery in one month's time (unless there are any problems in the meantime which , obviously, I hope there are not).  I am planning for there to be a big improvement in myself all round by then, God willing.

wow! Just seen I have passed my 10,000th hit - Hurrah. Now, I am wondering who it was that made that magic figure. If it was you, please own up and let me know.