Bitterly Disappointed

I feel I have to update you all because you have given me so much backing, love and support.

Well, the diabetic nurse at the Diabetic Centre of our hospital was no help at all.  She said that as I am not an "in" patient at the hospital she cannot either increase my medication or give me any advice.  She told me I had to see my doctor.  I explained my difficulties and that we had already been in touch with our surgery who absolutely refuse to do a home visit.  She said, that is their choice and she cannot interfere with the way they run their practice. She did agree that my blood sugars are way to high but of course, did not know whether this is due to elevated blood pressure or an infection after the flu which I have never really got over and still bringing up unpleasant stuff from my chest now and then and always from my nose. I explained I had told the surgery some weeks back that I thought I had an infection but they refused me anti-biotics. She did say there must be some underlying cause why my blood sugars have shot up.

I asked her what do other agorapohibic diabetics do?  Are they just left to rot?  I got absolutely nowhere with her so Mike tried, she just listened to what he had to say and then said "she will have to see her GP, I cannot help you" and rang off.

So, Mike immediately went down to the surgery and told them that the Diabetic centre nurse had said that because of my elevated blood sugars I had to see a doctor and as quickly as possible.  Once again a home visit was refused.  Whilst he was there, the surgery rang me at home.  The woman was exceptionally rude to me, spoke to me like I was a five year old child and wanted to know my blood sugars for the last three days.  I gave them to her. She told me to hang on whilst she spoke to their Diabetic nurse.  A couple of minutes later she returned.  All she said to me was "right I am dealing with your husband, he can tell you when he gets home" She put the phone down on me before I could even reply.

The upshot is that they are prepared to see me tomorrow morning if  I can get down to the surgery and only if I can get to the surgery.  If not then they are going to leave me to it.

But the worst thing of all was that then they would not even give Mike anappointment for tomorrow.  Even though the Hospital Diabetic nurse said it was imperative I saw my GP.  No, he has to go down and queue for an appointment at 7.30 a.m. in the morning.

So, my anxiety levels are even worse today.  I have no set appointment, we hope that Mike can get one in the morning, then I have to dose myself up with tranquilisers even to attempt to get there.  As I suffer , and always have, from white coat syndrome, my blood pressure reading will not be accurate anyway and my GP is not good with Diabetic medication.  Will he know which one to increase?  I feel like I am living in a madhouse.

So, the National Health Service is safe in government hands. Really?  On the rare occasions I have had to phone the Diabetic department in the past, they have been most helpful, not any more.  I used to have a surgery that cared a few years back. Not any more.

It is frightening to be ill these days especially if you live in the South East of England.  It is even more frightening when you suffer from Agoraphobia and getting out is practically impossible and you are treated as a "difficult" patient who does not co-operate.

If I do make it there tomorrow I shall be in a state, of that there is no doubt.  How do they then expect to get a true blood pressure reading.  If I walk in the door crying or they can see I have been crying then "nerves" will be the first thing on the doctor's mind.  The fact that I have two serious and potentially life-threatening medical conditions seems secondary to them.  Do they not understand that if my blood pressure and blood sugars were under control then I would not be in a state of nerves and anxiety.  It is them going out of control that is causing this problem. My Diabetes and blood pressure should be the priority with them.  They are not.

Why cannot they treat the disease and see past the anxiety tag.  I am not hopeful for tomorrow right now.  I shall do my best, I always do try my hardest.  I hope it works out, if not............well the if not does not bear thinking about.

I had such high hopes for today, they have been dashed. We can only hope that Mike gets an appointment tomorrow and that somehow I will find the strength to get there.  The GP that is on tomorrow is a bit of a panic merchant and likes to send everyone to the hospital if he feels he cannot find an answer.  It is going to take every ounce of my strength, guts and determination to even get to this appointment. I could not face the hospital, I truly could not.

So, I can only hope that the prayers you have all offered up for me are still answered and that I will get somewhere with the surgery tomorrow. I have to hope, without hope there is nothing.