Saturday Update

A follow on from the traumatic experience I wrote about last night.

The district nurses have been wonderful.  One of them phoned me this morning to see how I was and when she heard I was still distressed she got the senior district nurse to visit me within fifteen minutes.

She examined me and said that there is no sign of infection.  It always has a certain redness to it when infected. The stiffness I feel is normal because it is pressing on nerves.  The heat is simply caused by the build up of fluid.  She also checked my temperature which is normal.  Naturally my blood sugars have gone soaring and she said this is what is making me feel unwell, that it is stress-related and I am not to worry about it at this time.

Because of what happened last night she feels it is in my best interests to wait until I see my surgeon on Monday morning.  He will not only drain it but tell me exactly what to do and who to contact if it happens again and it is quite likely to.  She will be ringing me in the morning (Sunday) to see how I am.  She said unless anything changes for the worst that is what she feels would be best for me.

If it suddenly starts growing, turns red, I start to feel really unwell then she said to call an ambulance but she says in her professional opinion this is not likely to happen based on much experience with other breast cancer patients.  She assured me that if she felt it was necessary she would have called an ambulance today.  That has relaxed me somewhat.

She did say the the wound under my arm still has a centrimetre that has not closed and she was very concerned that the doctor examined me last night without washing his hands and his whole manner left a lot to be desired.  She said it was disgusting when he kept asking me what the operation was for, any GP should know by where the wounds were what it was for.  She has told me where I can put it an official complaint and she also told me to tell my surgeon about it on Monday.  Do not worry, I fully intend to.

So, at least my mind has been put at rest.  Although it is painful I know that it is not likely to be something that has gone wrong with the operation and four people have now confirmed it is fluid.  I can live with the discomfort until Monday, at least I know I will be seeing somebody decent then.

Of course, now I am even more scared about going back.  Last night's experience went a long way to undoing all the good and positive thoughts I had built up about hospitals.  But I will have my wonderful Mike and Becky with me and I will do it somehow.

Thank you all for your concern.  Just wanted to let you know the current situation. The nurse says I can ring them at any time.  Just wish it had not happened and I did not have this discomfort to put up with.

I know you will all be thinking about me on Monday morning and wishing me well.  I shall be leaving here at 9 a.m.  Hopefully I will be returning minus the fluid!

The Bad Side Of The Health Service

This evening I experienced the bad side of the Health Service.  I noticed late afternoon that I was getting much more discomfort than usual, actual pain in fact.  I thought maybe I had done the exercises too strenuously.

I went in to have my second shower of the day and noticed that my breast was very swollen, then a found a large lump under my armpit and over the scar.  Just my luck, it was too late to contact my doctor's surgery, it was closed.  So, although I had been signed off by the district nurses, in desperation I phoned them.  They could sense I was distressed so a nurse came out to see me.

She said it was an accumulation of fluid and was caused by the lymph glands being removed, fluid had nowhere to drain.  I was warned this could happen but it was most likely in the first few days after surgery.  I had done everything correctly, not overdone things so it was strange it should happen at this late stage.  Anyway she could see no sign of infection.  To double check she telephoned the ward I had been on and spoke to the ward sister.  Explained everything, told her it was very painful and also very hot.  The sister agreed that it was almost certainly an accumulation of fluid but warned that because it is in a pool there with nowhere to go, it can get infected and therefore I needed to see a doctor to see if I needed antibiotics over the weekend until my appointment at the clinic on Monday.  She also told me the swelling will need to be drained, it will not disappear on its own. She said my surgeon will arrange everything on Monday and it is not too long to wait and it was only the possibility that I might need antibiotics that worried her.

The district nurse was very good and phoned the out of hours service doctors.  She was told they would phone me back within two hours.  As I was very distressed by the whole thing she told me to relax in bed and try not to worry.  Two hours later the doctor did phone me back.  He wanted to know the whole story which I repeated to him including what the nurse had done, what the ward sister had said and that the nurse was not able to prescribe anything for me and I needed to be seen.

He informed me they did not visit patients at home for something as trivial as that.  I told him I did not think that breast cancer was trivial and I was in severe discomfort.  He told me that I had to come to the out of hours clinic at the General Hospital.  By this time I was going frantic, you all know my problems with travelling and I had so wanted to stay calm for Monday.  He told me I could take it or leave it.  I could see my own doctor on Monday morning.  I pointed out that Monday morning I am due at the Breast Clinic to see my consultant.  Well, you either come down here or you have to put up with it.  I had no choice. So I set off for an appointment at 9.40p.m.

Becky had to rush over to help keep me calm.  We get to the hospital.  They had not been told I was coming even though everything was supposed to have been faxed through.  They could not find my records as the computers were down.

I go in to see this doctor.  To be honest, he could have been Joe Bloggs off the street.  First he asked whether it was correct I had a lump or swelling.  I told him I had.  He asked me why I had been crying.  I told him because I was agoraphobic and any journey was difficult for me and also because I was in pain and even riding in the car hurt.  He then asked me to strip to the waist.  I did so but then had to point out to him we were on the ground floor and his blinds were open!!!!!!  He reluctantly closed them.  He examined me (remember my wounds are still fresh) without even washing his hands and God only knows who he had seen before me. 

He asked me what the operation was for.  I told him breast cancer.  He poked and prodded and agreed it was a cyst or an accumulation of fluid.  He examined the scars again.  Again he asked me what I had had surgery for.  He took my bp and my pulse.  Wrote a few notes then just stared blankly at me.  I asked what would be done.  He said he could do nothing.  I pointed out I was at the hospital and there must be some hospital doctor on hand who could give me a local anasthetic and drain it so I could have a pain free weekend.  He said he was not authorised to do anything, he was just an emergency general practitioner from an agency and had nothing to do with the hospital.  I told him in that case he should get a second opinion from someone in the hospital.  Blank looks.

I asked him whether thenotes he had written would be sent to the breast clinic for Monday morning so that my surgeon could see them.  No I was told, they go to your own doctor.  I told him that was no good, my own doctor would not be able to do anything.

He said go home and take paracetamol.  I told him paracetamol were not touching the pain.  He said words to the effect that I was not actually screaming when he touched me.  I told him I have a fairly high pain threshhold and what good would screaming do.  He said it was not red or inflamed and he could find no sign of infection, so in his opinion antibiotics were not necessary especially as I had just finished a course.  I asked what would happen if the swelling continued to grow over the weekend.  He then said I would have to go back to Accident and Emergency and it would be arranged for someone to drain it for me.  I told him we are right next to Accident and Emergency, is is only feet away, give me a note and I will go in there.  Blank looks.   He then asked a third time what I had the operation for. 

I almost shouted by now that I had had a lumpectomy for a tumour and the removal of the lymph nodes under my arm.  He asked if I meant a lump in my breast.  I seriously wondered whether this man had ever qualified.

So, we came home.  I am still in as much discomfort, pain killers do not touch it.  Now I am facing a miserable weekend and when I go to the clinic on Monday I now not only face the results, the date of the commencement of my radiotherapy and anti-cancer drugs, I also face having to have this cyst drained plus any antibiotics that are needed.  As if I needed more pressure than I already have!!!!!!  I only hope it does not put my treatment back.

To say I am disgusted with the way I was treated tonight is putting it mildly.

I know my surgeon is not going to be best pleased with the way I was treated or the fact it has been left over the weekendbut it is up to him to take it further if necessary.  I only know that I feel very low right now.  There is nothing worse than pain, worry that it could get worse, worry that I might have to go rushing back over the weekend and they will have to drain it anyway.  Then I have Monday to face.

They say it never rains but it pours.  I wish it would stop raining in my life.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that the situation will not get any worse and that on Monday, my surgeon will drain it for me or arrange for it to be drained and it will not delay my treatment by much. 

As for that doctor I saw, I am glad he is not my GP. He was about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Spring Has Sprung

These are my Mother's Day flowers from Becky, Dean, Nathan and Daniel.  They are so beautiful and still going strong.

Today is the same as yesterday, bright sunshine and perhaps Spring has sprung or perhaps not as they say it will turn cold again later in the week.

I am progressing.  Still in a lot of discomfort with the underarm, I guess that is the nerves and muscles, some parts are still numb.  Time will take care of that.  The nurse comes in tomorrow and I should be signed off then as the wounds no longer need any dressings.  I am getting scared as next Monday draws closer because that is when I get the full laboratory results and naturally I am hoping they will be the best possible in regards to the continuing treatment.

I was sad yesterday.  You know how much I love my garden.  This is the time when I would be out there, weeding, pruning, digging over ground.  Of course I am not allowed to do any of these things.  Mike, bless him, with all the other things he has to do these days said he would do it for me.  It was nice to see the weeds disappear and the grass get its first mow of the year but I so wanted to be doing it myself, I so love getting my hands in the soil.  It feels so spiritual when I am working in the garden.   I could not even sit out in the sun because it might not be a good idea at this particular time.  I did sit with the back door open watching Mike work and the most beautiful birdsong was filling the air.  I could not see the bird so I did not know which variety it was, but it was absolutely stunning.

I am getting quite bored being able to do so little, even the computer hurts after a short time because when you type you move your arm.  Still, I am not complaining. I am making progress and that is the main thing.

I told you I made two lovely friends whilst in hospital.  One of them phoned me up on Sunday and the other is in e-mail contact with me.  She also had breast surgery but before me.  Unfortunately she lost her breast and goes back to the clinic this Friday.  She is scared as well.  She knows in her case it is chemo and she has three very young children to look after.  How nice it is though to meet people in those circumstances and be able to stick together.  Turns out she only lives a couple of miles from me.

I shall be seeing Nathan and Daniel for the first time tomorrow and am so looking forward to that.  This afternoon I have a friend coming to visit.  Visitors are rare at our house.  I have known her for well over thirty years, our daughters grew up together and we used to be neighbours.  She was shocked when she heard the news of course.  She has a wonderful sense of humour and she always has me in gales of laughter so that is bound to do me good.

My "brother" and I have put that in inverted commas for good reason has not even bothered to wish me luck either before surgery or since.  When I tell you he lives fifty yards from me in the same road and Mike told him almost as soon as we knew............speaks for itself.  No note through the door, no good luck card, total silence. The door is now closed to him for good. I could write a book about what we have been through with him and his wife over many years but they are not worth the time and trouble.  I have had more love, support and understanding from my friends here in J-Land and my cousin and a couple of friends going back to schooldays.  It did hurt me though, at first, as he is my last living full-blood relative.  I was hurt, then angry but now I am putting him out of my life for good and all and concentrating on getting well and my own family and my true friends, my J-Land family.

Well, starting to hurt a bit now so I am going to go and have my lunch and get ready to see my friend this afternoon.

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all your support which I know will be ongoing.  Reading your messages has brought me great comfort.

I do ask you all to pray for Sugar (A Little Bit Of Sugar) link on my sidebar, who is undergoing her cancer surgery today.  Unlike me, she does not have a very supportive family.  She is a friend to many in J-Land and I know you will wish her well.

I promise to get back to commenting on your journals as soon as I can but in the circumstances, I know you will understand.  God bless you all.

Love

BC And Me

Hello my dear friends

Well, the first round is over and I hope we have dealt that damned cancer a good knock-out blow and put it on the canvas for good.  Round one to us! (my surgeon, his team and hopefully myself).

This is my first time back on the computer so I do not want to overdo things.  There is so much I could share with you but that would take a novel.  Becky is wrong, I will not regale you with all the gory details.  Things happened very fast when I was admitted.  I was very scared in the preparation room, sure I was not going to wake up, I remember crying.  Only one person was allowed to go in and stay with me until they put me under, Mike could not face it. I nearly had the nurse in tears over things I said to Mike just outside the door.  Becky was the one who came in and held my hand all the time.  There was a sea of faces around me all telling me their names, I cannot remember any of them.  Becky was holding my hand, then I saw my surgeon bending over me with a big grin on his face.  I do remember telling Becky I felt funny and that was that.  Within two hours I was sitting up in bed drinking a cup of tea.  Boy, that tea was the best I ever tasted.

I have some photos to share with you, firstly the view from my window

Trying to put a brave face on for the world, but the eyes tell a different story

Dig those sexy stockings 

Back from surgery and very relieved

Some of my battle scars

As you can see, I bruise easily.  Public decency prevents me from showing you anything further. 

Guess what? When my consultant came to check on me after surgery, he told me that all had gone well and they had removed everything they wanted plus a bit more to err on the side of caution.  He told me not to get a fright when I looked in the mirror.  You see, I have a turquoise nipple now, well rather half a turquoise nipple.  It is the dye they use.  It does not wash off and could well be there for several months. "Typical" I said. He asked me what I meant. I told him it would have been far better if I had had the brightly coloured nipple in the days when I did topless glamour modelling, I could have commanded a much higher price and made an absolute fortune in blue movies as "The girl with the rainbow tits".  He guffawed.  He told me they had removed the cancer but my sense of humour had certainly remained in tact!!!

The best photo - going home

I had a drain in and I cannot tell you the times I fell over that because I forgot it.  Up to totter to the loo either dragging the bag behind me having forgotten to pick the thing up or tripping over it.  Trying to get back into bed to find it wrapped around my leg like an umbilical cord.  Originally I was coming home with it in but the consultant said things were going so well I could have it out before I left.  The nurses have been coming in every day to change the dressings.  The incision on the breast is now completely dry, the one under the arm almost.   I have been told I can have a shower tomorrow - Yippee!!!!!!!  Only plain water but at least I will feel clean.  I had to manage with wipes in the hospital.  I could not put my hands in water because of the canula and drip and then the dressing on my hand so it was make do and mend. 

Him indoors washed my hair for me this morning - bliss.  I had to kneel over the bath to make sure I do not get any water on the incisions but we managed.  We take these little things for granted don't we?  Washing, shampooing our hair, it is only when for one reason or another we cannot do them that we realize just how important they are to us.

I also have to do exercises twice a day.  They were a little painful at first but now I find them easy.  Was I in great pain?  No -  more discomfort than pain.  I had the minimum of painkillers which surprised the staff. 

So, as I said, that is round one over.  Seconds out for round two when I attend for my appointment on the 2nd April. Round two will be what treatment follows on from here. I know for definite it will be anti-cancer drugs but still not sure on radiotherapy or anything else.  Will take that as it comes.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support, your love and good wishes, your cards.  I tell you honestly that you did help to make it easier for me because I knew you were all behind me all the way.  God bless you, each and every one.

Now I am off for a little lie down.

Update from Becky

Hello everyone, this is Becky.  As you can imagine things have been hectic and this is the first opportunity I have had to let you know the latest news about Mum.

She had her surgery at around 9.45 a.m. on Friday.  No doubt she will tell you the gory details another time. She was awake from the anasethetic within 15 minutes but had to spend an hour in the recovery room.  She was back on the ward by 12 noon. They constantly monitored her bp and blood sugar levels and kept her on oxygen for several hours.  You know Mum, she even said take a photo for my journal, I do not care how bad I might look I want my readers to see that I faced it and have the photo to prove it.  She will post that when she feels better.

She had a drain in her chest and also under her arm but because she responded so well to the drainage of what they call "serious fluid", the consultant said it could come out and that he would have the district nurse come and check for any problems.

So, the best news is that Mum is home.  We brought her home about 30 minutes ago.  She is very weak on her legs and in a great deal of discomfort as you can imagine, she is also very tired as it was impossible for her to get to sleep until about 3 a.m. and the nurse woke her up at 5. am. to run a battery of tests!  Mum thought she would be able to go back to sleep but the nurse zipped up the window blind and said she could watch the sun come out.  Mum was not best pleased especially as the sun did not come up.

She has several battle scars where she is black and blue, she has a cough from the anasthetic, a terrible sore throat from the breathing tube that went down, she is in great discomfort with the breast and the underarm where they took away all the lymph nodes.  But the main thing is that she is home.  She did so well and also the consultant thought it was better to get her home as quickly as possible and she would recover better in her own surroundings.  Mum made two great friends in there and was sad to leave them in a way but they have exchanged addresses and in once case,e -mail and you know Mum, when she makes friends, she keeps them.

The district nurse will be coming tomorrow.

So she is taking one day at a time.  Later I will read her all the messages you left for her.  Right now she is enjoying a large mug of tea, wants to have something to eat and then get some sleep for a few hours.

Dad and I thank you so much for your support.  I do not need to tell you how Mum feels about you all but it has been very heartening for Dad and myself to know that all that love is out there for all of us.  This has been a very stressful time for the whole family.

Thank you all so much.  We know you will wish Mum a speedy recovery and look forward to her return to her journal.  Then she faces the next hurdle of the full results and what treatment will arise from that.  She still has a long way to go but the biggest hurdle yet is over, the cancer has been removed.

Love Becky

Going In

Meet "Honey" my lucky mascot that Becky bought for me at the breast unit Today. She is a breast cancer awareness bear and so cute.

It has certainly been a day.  My consultant, the wonderful Mr. Caspar Tsokadayi, meet me almost as soon as I got there and asked me how I was , between seeing other patients.  He promised he would not keep me waiting long and he was as good as his word.

The cancer has been confirmed by the core biopsy and I am going in for surgery..................................tomorrow, yes tomorrow Friday 16th March!   What he had not told me last week was that was because of my agoraphobia and general anxiety he had no intention of keeping me waiting and he had, in fact, pencilled me in for surgery when I saw him last week.  He did say it was up to me and that I could wait for another week.  However, I do not want this cancer inside me, I want rid of it so I found myself, although terrified, saying yes, tomorrow then.

After that I had all the pre-admission checks.  Firstly loads of blood taken which they took in a separate little sitting room while they gave us cups of tea.  Then it was on to have my bp checked, my diabetes checked, my urine checked, have my height and weight taken, an ECG then to see another doctor who listened to my chest, back, stomach etc. and gave me a thorough medical.  All this should have been done in the main hospital but because of my fear of hospitals and general anxiety, my consultant arranged everything to be done right there at the breast clinic.  We hear a lot of bad things about the health service but they could not have made it easier for me and the staff so far have been absolutely wonderful.

You can imagine how scared I am of tomorrow, the fear of the anasthetic, of being unable to control what happens to me but at least it will be over and done with quickly.

When the lump is removed it then goes to the laboratory for various tests and it will not be for two weeks until I get the full results.  That will decide what treatment follows on from there, radiotherapy and anti-cancer drugs or one or the other, even chemo.  I will deal with that when the time comes.  As for now, I have to find the courage and strength to face tomorrow.

I ask you all to pray for me.  I am first on the list and will be going for surgery at 9.30 a.m.  My consultant is arranging for Mike to stay with me almost until then.

I do not know when I will be able to type or even feel like typing and, of course, Becky and Mike are going to have their hands full for the next couple of days.  They will be spring-cleaning the bedroom from top to toe to prevent the risk of any infection.  However, Becky has promised that she will post on here as soon as she can to let you know how things went and how I am doing.

So, my friends, that is all I can tell you.  My stomach is in knots but I am so glad that this is being dealt with quickly.  Although this is only the beginning of treatment and there is a long road to travel, I am going to travel it with the best of my ability and keep as positive as I can.  I am in God's hands and He has never failed me so far.

I shall leave you now with some pictures of the Primroses we planted the other day.

Sorry I will not be able to deal with any alerts today, I have to get everything I need to take in with me ready and then spend time with my family.

God bless you all and thank you once again for the marvellous support you have given me and I know you will continue to give me.  J-Land people are the best there are.

 

 

And a picture of our lovely Jack guarding the rabbits, Cassandra and Mrs. Miniver.

Until we meet again, take care of yourselves and be good to each other.

Tuesday

Just a quick entry from me today because I wanted to thank Linda in Washington for her lovely card which arrived this morning and our own dear Sandra for the lovely present and card which also arrived this morning.

I did not have a good evening last night and feel absolutely shattered today so to have the postman knock on the door and give me something totally unexpected, lifted my spirits.

Thank you both so much for your kindness and thoughtfulness.

P.S. I am actually getting some alerts in today, still no buttons on journal though.

Almost Like Summer

What a glorious day, it really is almost like summer.  I just could not believe the heat in the sun.

Mike and I took another ride in the car this morning.  The air was so fresh, the birds were singing, the trees are bursting into bud and new life is springing up everywhere.

We passed a nursery and I saw the most gorgeous array of Primulas outside.  I asked Mike if we could get some for the front garden so that I could see them in the mornings when I pull back the curtains.  I have such a wonderful man that, of course, he agreed.  When we came home I sat on the front step and planted them into tubs.  To see such wonderful splashes of bright colour for the first time in months was wonderful and I said a silent pray to our Lord for all his wonderful blessings to us.

The outcome was that I decided I wanted some around the pond in the back garden.  Him indoors kindly went back and got another four trays.  So today we have planted up 75 of them and the perfume is gorgeous!  I have not taken any photos yet because I want them to get established first.  I must admit that I had been so happy and positive this morning but during planting, dark thoughts came into my head and I shed some tears.  I suppose it is only to be expected that my emotions are on a roller coaster at the moment.  It is only five days since I got the news and only two days before I go back for the full laboratory results.

The sun was so warm that my face and arms are glowing now but I think it did me good to get out into the fresh air for so long and now, even if the weather goes gloomy again, our new blooms will shine out like beacons.

I did have the camera with me when we went out this morning, nothing stunning, just a couple of views I thought you might like to see.  Here is the first picture, the lane where the plant nursery is located

This second one is of a house that stands in the middle of nowhere. You can see me taking the photo in the car wing mirror

The last two are shots of the village where we live, one taken from a distance and the other from closer to.

You cannot see our home in either of them, we are in the middle of all the properties.  I am sorry that this one is a little out of focus, do not worry it is not your eyes!

So, it has been a fairly productive day, going out, planting up the front garden, giving the lounge a thorough cleaning, having lunch and then out again into the lovely sunshine to plant up the back garden. It is the sort of day when normally I would have been on top of the world and for some of the time it was like that, but then the old gremlins started whispering for a while and tears fell.  I have picked myself up again and I am happy with what we have achieved today. I can only take one day at a time.  I do have a few aches and pains as it is a long time since I was able to get into the garden last - early September it must have been.

Anyway, him indoors is still doing a few jobs outside for me so I think he deserves a cup of tea.  I will love you and leave you for the time being.

Please do not think I am neglecting you.  I am still getting NO alerts of any kind.

Have a good week everyone.

AOL Bloody Hell

Isn't this a lovely bright graphic and so right for the Spring?

Would you believe that yesterday I got TOS'd again from AOL - the second time in 48 hours!!!!  What was my crime? Because alerts are not working at all for me and I was unsure whether they are working for you, I emailed ten people, yes just ten people.  Immediately my connection to the internet disappeared.  So without further ado, I telephoned AOL.  I told them I suspected my account had been suspended yet again and they confirmed it had - for sending bulk e-mail to 800 people!

Well, I let rip I can tell you.  The people on the sub-continent were left in no doubt that they were not dealing with some prime English rose.  I told them exactly what I thought of them in no uncertain terms.  The assistant was very apologetic and said he could not understand why this was happening and it would be looked into.  In other words, they will do absolutely bloody nothing as usual.  I told them they should be ashamed of themselves, tossing people for sending bulk emails when they have not, that journals did not work properly, alerts are not working and when we complain we are totally ignored and that I was sick of paying a monthly subscription to a sub-standard service.

But this time, instead of just re-connecting me I was told they had deleted ALL my passwords on our three screen-names and they would have to give me a temporary password to log on and I would then have to change all my passwords.  This annoyed me even further as you can imagine but there was nothing I could do.

"Goodbye" says the little man from the sub-continent.  "Oh no sunshine" said I.  "You are staying right where you are until I am sure I can get back online."   I duly typed in the password.  Nothing.  He said I must be able to get back on line.  I asked if he was calling me a liar.  I told him I was getting an error message with various problems listed.  "Oh, I cannot deal with that - I will have to put you through to our technical department!"   So into the queue I go to be told by a disembodied voice that most problems could be dealt with online. They are taking the piss are'nt they?

At least the man at tech help did sort it out.  Apparently, because we use a router, the router knows your password.  If the password is changed for any reason, the router will not work.  So be warned if you have one.  After about an hour and a half I did get back online. I then ran full virus check, Adaware, Spybot and Trojan destroyer.  Nothing was found on my computer.

I was told by Tech help  that I could apply for an e-mail Exemption to stop this happening again, so I have done so and have to now wait 48 hours to see if I am "approved".  At the end of the conversation I was told that I would receive a form to rate my experience with AOL and how I had been dealt with.  I told them that AOL was zero rated in my eyes.  To fling someone off twice within 48 hours is disgusting and unacceptable.  They only had to look at one email to see that all it contained was a link to my journal.  I was not sending out pornography or explicit language nor was I selling to people.  I told him that if this happens one more time, they can stick my AOL account where the sun don't shine.

I have always been the one to urge you to complain to the journals editor if you are experiencing problems.  From my recent experiences I would say now, do not waste your time. I have been complaining about my loss of journals buttons for over two weeks and for the loss of alerts several times.  I never even get acknowledged and the problems remain.

Anyway all is back to normal now as far as getting online is concerned but nothing has been resolved as far as all the journals problems.  I am still getting no alerts coming in whatsoever.  As you can imagine, I did not need this stress.  Luckily I was able to de-stress by watching "Dancing On Ice" and "Primeval".

I will not be seeing the family today because Nathan and Daniel both have the sniffles.  I feel quite sad about that, seeing them does help me take my mind of my problem if only fora short while but I cannot take the chance of catching anything now.  Mind you, having been at the hospital and the doctors surgery there is always a possibility that could happen anyway.  Several people in the surgery were coughing and spluttering and they never have a window open in there.

I thought you might like to see the lovely palm Mike bought for me yesterday.  I do not think photos do justice to the actual size because it is very wide apart from being fairly tall but you should be able to see that it is quite large. Our t.v. stands 3 feet tall.  I just wonder what I shall do as the plant grows larger and larger lol.  It will be a question of "Me Jane, you Tarzan."

Not quite sure what I shall do today.  My back is very bad.  Stress always find the weakest spot and I know it must be stress because it has been pretty good recently.  I have a couple of DVD's to watch so maybe this would be a good time.

Wishing you all a happy Sunday.

Thank to dear Sugar for the beautiful signature tag.

SUNNY SATURDAY

 

What a beautiful day it has been today, a very cool breeze but beautiful sunshine the whole day. The above photos I took along the side of the main road when I ventured out with Mike today for a drive. The Magnolia trees looked so beautiful and other trees are coming into blossom.  We drove for a while and then sat for a while and watched the world go by.  Good job I took my camera.

The doctor was extremely nice to me yesterday.  When I tell you he gave me over an hour just to sit and talk and ask questions you will know that it was a successful meeting.  He did give me more tranquilizers and also some sleeping tablets if I need them.  Last night I managed without but that could have been sheer exhaustion.  He told me I can come and talk anytime, that he, the other doctors and all the staff are behind me 100 percent.  I told him about the previous afternoon when I tried to make an appointment, with tears streaming down my face as I was on my way home from the hospital, how I had been refused, how I was told I could phone in the morning and take my chances as to whether I got one or not.  I told him I ended up swearing at the receptionist.  He assured me this will not happen again.

He got his nurse to take the dressing off my breast and thankfully there was no seepage and it is less painful today albeit very bruised.

Mike has treated me to a huge new houseplant, a very large palm called Bamaerops Humilis.  I was stunned when I saw how big it is because we have such small rooms here but I love it.  Easy to care for, no direct sunlight, plenty of water, never let it dry out and feed frequently.  Sounds a bit like me!

I would like to thank Sandra for her very long phone call to me this morning.  We certainly put the world to rights Thank you my dear friend for giving so much of your time.

You will notice that I have new graphics on my sidebar.  Chris, thank you so much for making them for Sugar and myself. 

Please, dear friends, snag these graphics and if you would like to, add them to your own sidebars linking back to our journals.  We already have your support but this would mean so much more.  If you do not know how to link, add the graphic to your sidebar and before you hit SAVE highlight the graphic (it might take several goes - I had to do it from left to right).  The graphic will go dark.  Then click on the little globe between text and camera at the top and add the URL of the journal for instance  the full internet address of Jeannette's Jottings.  You will see by looking at my sidebar.

I have already added the URL of Sugar to the graphic.  Please click on it to visit her journal.  We have been diagnosed at almost the same time although she has a different cancer to mine.  Sugar is a very sweet and very helpful lady but I know that she is just as scared as me inside.  So please go and support her.  At the moment she and I are helping each other.

Other than that I have been doing a bit of tidying up and doing crosswords.

Now, I am not getting ANY alerts at the moment.  Not a single one. Not for people posting or for comments received.  Repeated complaints have got me nowhere.  So I would ask you to leave the URL of your journal so I can visit you.  I have quite a few on my favourites list but by no means all and I have no way of knowing you have posted UNLESS you leave your journal link and I can come and have a look.

Well, that is about all my news.  I want to go and have a cuppa now and then get the salad prepared for our evening meal.

Once again, thank you so much everyone for your support.  To be honest I am overwhelmed.  I read each and every comment to Mike and he had tears in his eyes as well.  It is wonderful to know that so many people are rooting for you.

Wishing you all a happy weekend. God bless.

 

We All Thank You and A Present From AOL

We would all like to thank you so very much for all your wonderful words of support.  I have read them but they will sink in more as the days go by.  As you can imagine my mind is pretty numb at the moment, that is when it is not running riot imagining the worst possible scenarious.  I have an appointment with my own doctor tomorrow to see if he can give me something to keep me calmer and also something to help me sleep temporarily.  In the circumstances I am hoping he will be understanding.

I had a nice present from AOL just after I did the posting telling you the news.  My alerts are not working either for journal postings or comments so I was worried that you would not get the alert on it.  So I did an email and sent it to you all.  I was immediately thrown off AOL.  I could not re-connect to the internet.  In the end Dean came over and tried everything he could think off before he finally conceded he would have to phone AOL.  They told him my account had been suspended for "spamming".  They said I had sent an email to over 1000 people. Very hard to do when I only have around 45 on my email list and I only sent to around 30 of them.  Nothing like kicking a dog when it is down.  You know how I feel about AOL at the moment.

Anyway, I will try and pop back now and again although when I have the surgery I might not be able to type for a while.  I will ask Becky if she will update you on my behalf.

We have all been touched by your good wishes and loving thoughts.  I am privileged to know so many wonderful people.  Thank you my dear friends.

Bad News

As you all know, I have been having trouble doing journal entries and the forces that be do not seem interested in doing anything about it or putting it right. So I was thinking that maybe my Jottings had come to the end of the road.

Well, they have for the time being my dear readers and friends but for a totally different reason.  I shall not be able to continue this journal for the forseeable future.

I had to attend the hospital this morning.  A few weeks ago I found a lump on my breast.  I looked like a boil (I am one of those diabetics that are prone to getting boils from time to time).  Anyway I went to my doctor who said he could not be sure what it was and it was most likely a cyst.  He referred me to the hospital as a matter of routine.

Despite my difficulties in going out I knew I had to get there this morning and I did manage the journey quite well considering.

First person I had to see was the consultant.  He was so nice and gave me a thorough examination.  He said the lump I can see and feel is a sebaceous cyst and nothing to worry about but as a precaution they wanted me to have a mammogram done.  So I had that.  I was called back in because they had found something.  Next thing I had to go and have an ultrasound which confirmed another lump much deeper in my breast.   This lead to a needle aspiration which was quite painful because although they froze the outside of my breast, the needle had to go through muscle and nerves.

Then the man who did the ultrasound and needle aspiration spoke to the consultant.  After another half hour I was called back in.  The consultant told me I have cancer of the breast, he is 99.99 per cent certain based on his long experience.

This is something I never thought would happen to me.  I thought it would be my blood pressure or diabetes that would give me real problems.

Anyway I have to go back next week to find out the full laboratory results and to have pre-admission tests done.  Then I will be going into hospital to have the various lumps removed and also all the lymph nodes removed from my armpit.

I need not tell you how I feel.  As I have a hospital phobia anyway and a fear of anasthetics this is the worst news I could ever have had.  Then of course, depending on what they find it could mean a mastectomy although the consultant is not looking at that at this stage, it all depends on what happens during surgery.  Then five years of anti-cancer drugs.

To say I am in a state of complete and utter shock is putting it mildly.  Tomorrow I have made arrangements to see my own doctor to ask him if he can give me some medication to help cope with this in the meantime. 

I am sure that you will understand how I feel, the shock of being told you have the "c" word is overwhelming, frightening and shocking.

I do not ask for your sympathy, I certainly do not want any scare stories in comments please.   I simply ask all of you who have been regular and loyal readers to pray for me, to send positive thoughts my way.  As you know I have two toddler grandsons, I want to see them grow up, I want them to be able to remember me.

Just send me your love, that is all I can ask for.

Until I can be back posting on here, I send my love and blessings to you all.  God bless you and I can only hope He blesses me.

Saturday - Problems Still Not Sorted

A bright sunny day for a change.  Well, once again I have had to add this entry using Firefox.  I am not happy about it.  It makes everything so much more complicated and I am not sure that it is secure.  I shall not be adding further entries unless and until they get the missing buttons sorted.  If they never sort it then maybe my Jottings will have come to the end of the road.

I remember those days when journalling used to be a pleasure and not a hassle.  You could upload what you wanted to File Manager, go to your  journal, add the pictures, write what you wanted to say and then press Save.  That was it.  Now File Manager no longer works and has not done so properly since last November.  If I want to add an entry now I have to upload photos and graphics to Photobucket or similar and instead of being able to copy and paste the pictures/graphics, I have to mess around with HTML codes.  Then I have to open my journal through Firefox (what am I paying AOL for????????) and do an entry that way.  Of course, you cannot add links from favourite places as you can when doing the journal the normal way, through AOL.

Anyway, like I said, it is now a hassle that takes a lot longer than it should and does not make for a happy experience.

I received a couple of super photos two days ago.  He is so lovely as I am sure you will agree







This is Harry my late friend's Grandson at the age of fourteen weeks.  You will remember that she died suddenly just after Christmas.  She never got to see his lovely smile.  I can see her in him and know that she would be so proud and also pleased I had put his pictures on my journal for you all to see.  What a lovely little boy he is.

The hole in our road was finally filled in this morning.  So glad of that.  We got fed up with the school children taking down the safety barrier and also throwing the hazard notices into the pool of water that filled the hole.  We hope they do not have to dig it up again for a long time.

Spring is definitely in the air now.  A couple of trees are in flower near us although none of our trees show any signs of that as yet.






It is nice to see the blossom and the days are getting longer, it will be great when we are able to have the doors and windows open.

Well, it has taken me well over an hour to do this entry, far too long.  Like I said at the present it is not a pleasure anymore, it is a hassle.  A journal is something you are supposed to enjoy not something you want to tear your hair out over.

I shall not post again until the journals buttons are sorted out, if ever.  I get the feeling that AOL are not too bothered about it because it is not affecting everyone only some.  For the moment I will give them the benefit of the doubt and hope they will get it fixed.  I would urge you all again, if you are having troubles with your journal, especially the Add Entry and the Edit journal buttons, please go to my previous entry and copy and paste the red link and leave a comment under the others.  I think that is the only way anything is going to get done.  I hated to leave that as a typed link and not a hyperlink because you cannot do hyperlinks through Firefox.

Anyway, before I do tear my hair out I will wish you all a very happy weekend.  I am off to have a nice hot cup of tea.  After more than an hour of this, I certainly need it.