Bad News

As you all know, I have been having trouble doing journal entries and the forces that be do not seem interested in doing anything about it or putting it right. So I was thinking that maybe my Jottings had come to the end of the road.

Well, they have for the time being my dear readers and friends but for a totally different reason.  I shall not be able to continue this journal for the forseeable future.

I had to attend the hospital this morning.  A few weeks ago I found a lump on my breast.  I looked like a boil (I am one of those diabetics that are prone to getting boils from time to time).  Anyway I went to my doctor who said he could not be sure what it was and it was most likely a cyst.  He referred me to the hospital as a matter of routine.

Despite my difficulties in going out I knew I had to get there this morning and I did manage the journey quite well considering.

First person I had to see was the consultant.  He was so nice and gave me a thorough examination.  He said the lump I can see and feel is a sebaceous cyst and nothing to worry about but as a precaution they wanted me to have a mammogram done.  So I had that.  I was called back in because they had found something.  Next thing I had to go and have an ultrasound which confirmed another lump much deeper in my breast.   This lead to a needle aspiration which was quite painful because although they froze the outside of my breast, the needle had to go through muscle and nerves.

Then the man who did the ultrasound and needle aspiration spoke to the consultant.  After another half hour I was called back in.  The consultant told me I have cancer of the breast, he is 99.99 per cent certain based on his long experience.

This is something I never thought would happen to me.  I thought it would be my blood pressure or diabetes that would give me real problems.

Anyway I have to go back next week to find out the full laboratory results and to have pre-admission tests done.  Then I will be going into hospital to have the various lumps removed and also all the lymph nodes removed from my armpit.

I need not tell you how I feel.  As I have a hospital phobia anyway and a fear of anasthetics this is the worst news I could ever have had.  Then of course, depending on what they find it could mean a mastectomy although the consultant is not looking at that at this stage, it all depends on what happens during surgery.  Then five years of anti-cancer drugs.

To say I am in a state of complete and utter shock is putting it mildly.  Tomorrow I have made arrangements to see my own doctor to ask him if he can give me some medication to help cope with this in the meantime. 

I am sure that you will understand how I feel, the shock of being told you have the "c" word is overwhelming, frightening and shocking.

I do not ask for your sympathy, I certainly do not want any scare stories in comments please.   I simply ask all of you who have been regular and loyal readers to pray for me, to send positive thoughts my way.  As you know I have two toddler grandsons, I want to see them grow up, I want them to be able to remember me.

Just send me your love, that is all I can ask for.

Until I can be back posting on here, I send my love and blessings to you all.  God bless you and I can only hope He blesses me.