My Results

You can imagine I was very scared inside (I tried not to show it for the family's sake)  going back this morning although I did try and take in the beautiful sunshine and the spring flowers.  The usual hassle to find a parking space.  It was not helped because although there was hardly anyone in the clinic there was a wait of over 40 minutes, it seemed like 40 hours.

Firstly, what a relief when my surgeon drained the fluid from under my arm.  Of course, being the joker he is he remarked how clear it was and looking at the large syringe he said he could read a paper through it.  I told him it looked more like urine to me and he replied it was more like Lambrusco.  That is a wine I shall never drink again.

I got a bit of a shock at first when he mentioned the sebaceous cyst I first went to the clinic with.  He himself had agreed it was a sebaceous cyst but prior to surgery when I was asleep, he had a good feel around and found a smaller lump next to it.  This made him suspicious so he actually cut out the whole of that and went straight through behind it to find the main tumour.  When it was all checked at the lab it was found that the cyst on the outside of my breast had been cancer as well.  What a good job I had such a brilliant surgeon who left nothing to chance.  A cancer growing on the outside of the skin that is not caused by exposure to sun is quite rare.  But it is gone now so I am not going to think about that anymore.

Then it was the results.  My cancer was stage two which is fairly normal.  Very few people present with stage one cancer.  The great thing is that my lymph nodes were CLEAR none of them showed any signs of cancer.  This means NO chemotherapy and no radiotherapy on my underarm.  He still puts my chances of complete recovery at 90 per cent and was very happy for me.  To be honest I am still trying to take it in.  My family and I have prayed so hard.  Mike and I prayed together before we left this morning and we certainly gave thanks when we returned home.  I have had so much prayer through the computer.  Prayer is a very powerful tool and can and does work wonders.

Of course, I still have a long way to go.  I have to go back on Wednesday, day after tomorrow, for a meeting with my oncologist/radiotherapist.  She will be a stranger to me and I can only hope she will be as understanding of my agoraphobia and anxiety as my surgeon was.  She will discuss what anti-cancer drugs I will be on, how much radiation I shall need on my breast and for how long. It can be anything from three to six weeks and whether it needs to be on a daily basis or less.  I have my appointment at 10.45 a.m. on Wednesday so I know you will continue to send out prayer and positive thoughts for me.  It is very important that I get on well with this lady because she will play a big part in my life for some time.

To tell you I feel shattered is an understatement. With all the trauma of last Friday (I did report him) and being in pain over the weekend and then this morning not knowing what I was going to hear, I feel like I could sleep for a week! However, I have the district nurse coming in again tomorrow and then the clinic again on Wednesday.

I think the thing I am dreading now is the assessment, where they locate the exact place to shoot the radiation, mark out the exact area, find the best position for you and tatoo your breast.  I always fancied a tatoo but not in these circumstances.  They will be little black dots apparently.  I would have preferred a rose or a butterfly! The whole thing takes about forty minutes and nobody will be allowed to come in with me.  I have not got the appointment for that yet, will probably get it on Wednesday.  But I have coped so far, I am lucky my results have been so positive.  I will deal with that as it comes.

Now I am going to have a cup of tea and then shut my eyes for a while.  This has been such a stressful few weeks and so out-of-the-blue.

I wanted to leave you with a couple of photos.

Here I am with the wonderful Caspar, my surgeon who has done a marvellous job and with his compassion and humour has made things such much easier for me. I wish he was able to continue with the rest of my treatment as I trust him implicitly and we have a great relationship. Alas that cannot be.  I will see him again in six months when radiotherapy will all be behind me.

Secondly with Laura, my lovely cancer nurse and consultant.  I can ring her with any worries and problems that I might have and she is there to help me through.  God bless these wonderful people.  So dedicated, so caring.

I asked their permission first, of course.  When I told them I was sharing my journey through cancer to recovery in my online journal in the hope that it might help just one person, they were only too happy to consent.

I could not have received better news and coming in this Easter week when we remember the sacrifice Christ made for us all  on the cross and then the joy of his resurrection, it has made it extra special.

Once again I thank you for your love and support.  I know you will be behind me at my appointment on Wednesday when I go to discuss my further treatment and also when I go for my assessment (a separate appointment) and then when I begin my radiotherapy.

Have a wonderful week everyone and God bless you all.